I'm sorry you're here, but glad you've found us.
How can WS possibly be acting like this??? Has anyone seen this behavior; is this expected behavior? I don't know what the truth is. I don't know what to believe. I don't know who WS is. Please help me understand.
What you have on your hands is an un remorseful wayward.
Regret = I'm so sorry I got caught because it's fucking up my affair. Things were going along just the way I like them.
Remorse = I'm so sorry I hurt you. I was so wrong. What I can I do the help YOU get through this? How can I make it better? I will do anything.
8 years? And now TT? You need to 180 this guy and FAST.
Kick his ass out, find an attorney, and file for D. You can always change your mind if he comes around.
You cannot reconcile with an unremorseful WH. Everything you described in his behavior is typical and predictable for an unremorseful wayward. Scores and score of us here on SI have been through the exact same things. IT SUCKS. It only gets better when you start to detach.
I also suggest you check out the I Can Relate forums. There's a thread there for long term affairs. Please start reading in the healing library, upper left hand corner of the page in the yellow box.
We are here to help.
180 and see a lawyer. If anything this will show him that you mean business. Might shock him into realizing you mean business.
Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.
Are you taking time to take care of yourself? Right now you are the #1 priority here, your WS is a cheater and a liar and at this point has no intention of going NC with OW.
What consequences had he had to face as a result? If his life is going on like nothing happened, he will not change. He needs to FEEL and UNDERSTAND the devastation he has caused.
Be strong. There's no room for three in a marriage. Either he dumps her now (and you will have to continue to check for YEARS) or I'd make an appt. with an atty asap. Knowledge is power, and you need to protect yourself right now.
In order to R, he has to be completely transparent giving you access to EVERYTHING!
He is cake-eating and fence-sitting, give him a HUGE push off of that fence. It might just be the jolt he needs for a mega dose of reality.