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Not my first rodeo

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Numb2014 posted 6/29/2014 12:43 PM

But it will be my last. Same story. He cheated years ago. I forgave and reconciled. Here we are years later, he is finishing up nursing school and I find an email from a girl. Emails end in "Love you!" and " Thank you baby!" After doing some digging, they me in 2012. The flirting started then. The. Of course was the "hey beautiful!" Text I found in 2012 that I brushed off bc I didn't want to believe it. Anyways. Once I found her email, I emailed her and asked her what her relationship was with my boyfriend (we divorced first time he cheated, and stupid me reconciled for the kids). Her response was that his was non of my business. She refused to give a straight answer then finally said "I think you know the answer". The. After I confronted him and he left, she emails me that they are not together and she hopes that makes me feel better.

Edited to add: sorry for typos, typing on my phone...

He uses people for things he needs. He's using her for her brain. She was valedictorian of her nursing class. ALL of her emails to him are either her grading his papers before he submits them, outlining what's due this week or providing her papers to him. All ending in "Love you!" And "thank you baby!" He's using me because he's a full time nursing student who DOES NOT WORK. I gave him a 30 day notice and I will be filing eviction papers Monday morning (I have to in my state, already spoke with the police department).

So that's it. I'm trying to shield he kids from this but, they will have to find out sooner or later. I know they see me speaking very little to their father. They haven't said anything. But I'm trying to ensure that they still have a good summer vacation before their work falls apart

[This message edited by Numb2014 at 12:45 PM, June 29th (Sunday)] posted 6/29/2014 14:26 PM

Good luck with the future Numb2014. You seem to be really switched into the situation.

Thoughts are with you.

yearsofpain25 posted 6/29/2014 14:46 PM

I'm so very sorry Numb2014. Welcome to SI. There are a lot of us here who will listen and give advice when warranted. We are here for you.

At least he has shown you his true colors. Continue to believe he is a user. Any thoughts on finding the kids a child psychologist to help them through?

Sucks that you have to wait 30 days. Are you familiar with the 180 that is designed for you to detach? I'll go find the links for them....

ETA - Read up on the 180 so that you start to use it. It is designed for you to detach and can be found under BS FAQ here:

And more 180 info under the target thread here:


[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 2:49 PM, June 29th (Sunday)]

Numb2014 posted 6/29/2014 17:51 PM

I'm trying my best to do the 180. I've told everyone this time around. His sister, his parents (which sas heartbreaking bc I love his parents so much! I'm so much closer to them than I am my own parents) my family, I haven't told our mutual friends yet. My father responded to this news by signing stbxbf b day card with "happy birthday son", but considering my father is a serial cheater, I'm not surprised. I only pretend around the kids. We celebrated his birthday last weekend, the kids picked out his pressnt and cake, and he thanked me. I just grunted out a "welcome". He denied denies denies. He said there is no way she told my anything bc there is nothing to tell. I didn't tell him I saw the emails and texts. But I'm sure she did. My question: why the hell would OW go along with him when he tells her to lie to me and tell me there is nothing going on? Why would she try to help him keep his relationship?

For the most part, he is invisible to me when he is here. I woke up in the middle of he night to his hand on my hip. I made sure to push his hands off of me hard enough to wake him up and placed the body pillow between.

I really do hate him. High school sweethearts. ONLY MAN I've EVER been with. I'm only 32 so I'm still young but, I don't even know the first thing about dating. And I read since he was truly my first love, I will compare all other men to him.

I can't wait until he is out of my house and it's just me and the kids b

tfkeel posted 6/29/2014 18:15 PM

And I read since he was truly my first love, I will compare all other men to him.

This is true. And, when you do, you will likely see just what an asshole he is, and how much better off you are without him.

Why would she try to help him keep his relationship?

Because most affairs "need" the spousal relationship to continue in order to thrive. That's why the 180 sometimes breaks up the affair.

This is especially true where there is a married AP. People can handle a spouse and a FWB, but not two spouses.

When one APs spouse calls it quits, he/she is left with no one to suffice the needs. The only thing left is the fantasy, which quickly dies as the needs get transferred onto the other "taker".

Sounds like what this gal wants is the affair, not him. She wants the thrills and strokes, but doesn't want him bringing his dirty laundry.

[This message edited by tfkeel at 6:16 PM, June 29th (Sunday)]

Plinker77 posted 6/30/2014 09:26 AM

That sucks! Good luck and praying there is not a third rodeo! Onward and upward!

norabird posted 6/30/2014 10:46 AM

I am glad you are being strong. Keep to your guns and know that you will be so much happier once you have severed your relationship and can finally have calm and security.


MindMonkey posted 6/30/2014 11:07 AM

And, when you do, you will likely see just what an asshole he is, and how much better off you are without him.

My FWW was flirting in nursing school with a married man. Then she proceeded to f*ck coworkers once she entered the work force.

If you are strong enough to leave him now, it'll only get worse. A horrible profession for a wayward. Or, a LOT of IC and MC.

Strength to you!

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