Anyone have any advice how to overcome this, can you relate or is it just that I haven't met the right guy?
I must also add I was dating this one man who was amazing, treated me with the most respect, made me laugh, had the same values I did, I introduced him to family and friends, in my opinion was "the one" but I've come down with Lyme disease and ended it because I felt as though I was a burden on him (makes me really sick and I can't be as active as he is I felt like he deserved someone better instead of a sick girl).
[This message edited by Speechless101 at 3:33 PM, June 29th (Sunday)]
As a matter of fact it has been about eight months since I heard from the guy & in May I decided to send him a message to see how he was...he responded and said he thought he'd never hear from me again which made me sad. I really did like him so to hear him say that kind of broke my heart. We met up for lunch and I explained to him how I'm still sick and in treatment (so not very exciting to date right now). We've kept in touch for over a month now at least once a week if not a little more. Maybe the timing was off but I've learned patience especially with my Lyme.
He even sent flowers to me at work on my birthday which was four months after I had broken it off with him.
[This message edited by Speechless101 at 6:41 PM, June 29th (Sunday)]
My friends tell me that all the time that I "think" for other people it's almost like I have some sort of control issue? Again, I was never like that before guess it's baggage from the divorce.
Yeah. I thought it WS 'new' too until my IC pointed out that the way I stayed in an unhappy M for so long was projecting my values/integrity on the guy I was married to. He didn't share them and didn't care to share them.
It has now turned into something different but it's still not a healthy thing to do.
Try to examine what you're getting out of this. Be honest. Are you pulling away because of fear or are you pulling away because you are only seeking validation gained when you win them over?
I went on a pretty destructive rampage right after DD. I hurt a bunch of guys inadvertently and unnecessarily. I was having sex with the. What I was doing was hurting myself for a change. It was a fucked up coping mechanism that had 'worked' in the past.
I don't think you're trying to hurt yourself but if you are getting validation from 'the chase' then losing interest I'd say you're using an old coping mechanism with no little regard for the hurt you're causing.
Either that or your protecting/hurting yourself by ending things before you get emotionally invested. You're not ready to risk it.
Are you in IC? I'd get into it and work on this before dating again.
It is hard to let the walls down. But don't kick people out pre-emptively because of irrational fear. You can survive being hurt again, after all--you have proved you are strong enough.
Maybe you don't want those guys, find something wrong with each and every one of them, because YOU, my dear, are amazing. :) Don't settle, when you fall in love, you will KNOW it. Take it easy. I don't think it's control, I think you just haven't found "him" yet. And, sometimes, we just want them to like us, yes, it feels good, but as long as you draw the line somewhere, you're good. Plus, if you REALLY liked one of them, you wouldn't ever let him go. That's my 2 cents.
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 4:38 PM, June 30th (Monday)]