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Newest Member: Howtotrust (61551)

User Topic: Healthy Response
♀ 36126
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, June 29th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I naturally think about things for a while and my friends here say - just say something!

If someone unknowingly crosses a boundary or doesn't realize what they did- ie inviting people without informing you do you say something or just see what happens next time?

Normally the person is thoughtful but it bothers me. I am tempted not to plan anything again with the person for events but is that being immature?

Posts: 1563 | Registered: Jul 2012
♂ 43901
Member # 43901
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think so, I am similar. I would communicate it but carefully as to not offend a friend. I have learned that sometimes you have to speak up if something is buggin ya.

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jun 2014
♀ 34146
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's healthy to say something. Bottling things up just causes problems.

It doesn't have to be a big "we need to talk" thing -- don't blow it out of proportion. Just say something like, "Next time, could you please let me know if you invite someone else?"

I don't know if it's immature to just not plan things with the person, but there is a whiff of avoidance and/or passive-aggression.

One of the things I've been working on in my NB is to be more authentic about things like this, and I've found that it's strengthened my friendships.

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny

Posts: 4472 | Registered: Dec 2011
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Putting myself in your friends shoes, as embarrassed as I would be to hear I'd inadvertently committed a faux pas, it wouldn't even compare to how much it would upset me to have the friendship suffer and not know why.

If you really care about the person and think the friendship can be salvaged, say something. If they do it again, or get mad about it, you will have the same result, but a clearer conscious.

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3640 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
♀ 36126
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the wise responses!

I will say something and try it out. I guess I dislike any sort of confrontation. I never really had a disagreement with my friends in all these years.

Something to think about- that was odd just typing it out.

Posts: 1563 | Registered: Jul 2012
Topic Posts: 5

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