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fireproof posted 6/29/2014 20:44 PM

I naturally think about things for a while and my friends here say - just say something!

If someone unknowingly crosses a boundary or doesn't realize what they did- ie inviting people without informing you do you say something or just see what happens next time?

Normally the person is thoughtful but it bothers me. I am tempted not to plan anything again with the person for events but is that being immature?

Plinker77 posted 6/30/2014 10:32 AM

I don't think so, I am similar. I would communicate it but carefully as to not offend a friend. I have learned that sometimes you have to speak up if something is buggin ya.

phmh posted 6/30/2014 18:01 PM

I think it's healthy to say something. Bottling things up just causes problems.

It doesn't have to be a big "we need to talk" thing -- don't blow it out of proportion. Just say something like, "Next time, could you please let me know if you invite someone else?"

I don't know if it's immature to just not plan things with the person, but there is a whiff of avoidance and/or passive-aggression.

One of the things I've been working on in my NB is to be more authentic about things like this, and I've found that it's strengthened my friendships.

Crescita posted 6/30/2014 18:29 PM

Putting myself in your friends shoes, as embarrassed as I would be to hear I'd inadvertently committed a faux pas, it wouldn't even compare to how much it would upset me to have the friendship suffer and not know why.

If you really care about the person and think the friendship can be salvaged, say something. If they do it again, or get mad about it, you will have the same result, but a clearer conscious.

fireproof posted 6/30/2014 23:27 PM

Thank you for the wise responses!

I will say something and try it out. I guess I dislike any sort of confrontation. I never really had a disagreement with my friends in all these years.

Something to think about- that was odd just typing it out.

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