For me, I guess WH made the decision when the OW gave him the ultimatum either it was her or me. All this happened behind my back I didnt know that there was an A going on, the OW told me on FB. Of course he did say to me I should be the one leaving him after what he has done when I confronted him with it, he admitted it, I told him that if he wasn't happy with me then he should be with her because this is where it ends there will be NC with her ever again, he agreed and said he would send her a final email. Emotionally I was all over the place I felt sick, I couldnt eat, I couldnt sleep, I felt so hurt and betrayed. I lost a lot of weight and people noticed and started asking me if I was ok as I wasnt overweight in the first place. Harder still was that OW was a friend obviously only interested in getting her hands on my WH.
Days afterwards things were tense I remember thinking do I really know this man? I looked at him differently this is not the great guy that everyone always said he was and that I had always thought he was. I remember a dinner I went to not so long before I found out about the A and saying that i had the best H in the world. How red faced would I be if they only knew. I remember being called into work in an emergency just after D day and I hadnt slept for 2 days, I really dont know how I got through that day, what is more I dont remember very much about that day!
We decided to do more things together, spend more time with each other, and it wasn't that we didnt do those things at all, we just got caught up with having children and working opposite shifts. My H works in emergency services and I work in the medical field. So we made sure that there was one of us with our girls at all times, we worked opposite shifts.
Our R is still a work in progress I have real trust issues with him and to be honest I dont know that I will ever fully trust him again. He could be totally trustworthy now but I will always have that inkling of doubt. OW tried desperately to stay in contact with us and even called the house after I told her not to, said she was returning his call, he said she was lying, maybe she was trying to create problems for us. For me it has been a very difficult time because he has never spoken about it, initially it took about 5 sentences for him to tell me briefly about the affair, and that was it, he was done, which left me reeling, every time I tried to ask a question or talk about it, he cut me off and said it was over and he no longer wants to think or talk about it, its in the past. So I cant make him talk about it. I am however a lot stronger emotionally i have been doing the 180.
I still love my H very much and have forgiven him for what he has done, but I cant forget it, and I am not sure if i will ever get over it. I have a friend who is a counselor and I have spoken to her and also another friend who is a GP. My H would not go to counseling as he doesnt believe in other people telling him what to do and that it is nobody's business but ours. I am so greatfull for this forum SI.