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I lost it and had an epic tantrum this morning

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houseofpain posted 6/30/2014 16:05 PM

After long talks this weekend and my WS agreeing to see a psychiatrist, and other heart-felt conversations, I see on his phone that he texted his secretary (who he was on his way to having an EA with before I stopped it). I made it clear to both of them months ago that no more personal texts would be tolerated. And as far as I know (and I'm pretty nosey) they have not texted each other. The text was not overly friendly, but he just HAD to brag to her about something he did and he apparently couldn't contain himself.

So after being lied to, cheated on, gaslighted and treated like crap, this one short text put me over the edge and my 49 year-old self had a 2 year-old tantrum (on the floor of my bedroom). I screamed and cried and pulled my hair out and pounded the floor. I have never done anything like this in my life. My WS was shocked.

What the heck have I turned into? It's ridiculous.

OakStreet posted 6/30/2014 16:29 PM

That's okay, houseofpain, we've all had our melt downs, I imagine.

Our WS's have turned us ALL into people we wouldn't have recognized before our Ddays.

But now that you've had that tantrum, back to the
180, or detachment, or whatever was working for you.

Good Luck!

caregiver9000 posted 6/30/2014 16:32 PM


I can see what prompted it! Shame on him for his poor boundaries and disrespect of your wishes. There was extreme frustration on your part, which I hope was well and truly vented and you feel better for it?

Maybe your reaction (very visible as it was) finally had some impact on him?

Landoes posted 6/30/2014 16:33 PM

I think it's normal. I feel like that at times. It happens to me when those realization moments hit you, feels like it just happened.
I'm a little over a year out, and things get better; though you'll have the occasional bad days, but they get fewer and fewer with time
Good luck, stay busy!

shiloe posted 6/30/2014 16:42 PM

Does he see her every day at work??

Bat4583 posted 6/30/2014 17:01 PM

Been there,done that. I keep telling myself to put on my bitch boots but some days I don't even know one foot from the other.

Hugs to you!

SeeingRed posted 6/30/2014 18:41 PM

I'm more of a lurker than a commenter but I just want to tell you, I MELTED DOWN. Went cray cray CRAY on my final D-day. It's perfectly normal. No one can control such an onslaught of emotions.

Would you criticize a woman for collapsing on the floor and screaming at a funeral if her child had just died?

NO. Same thing. You're marriage is dead as is the person you trusted most in the world. Is he still alive sure, but the person you thought you knew is dead. Grieve and don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

fortitudo posted 6/30/2014 19:11 PM

Don't feel bad--I confronted my husbands Backpage prostitute in the post office parking lot. I knew what kind of vehicle she drove (a hummer naturally--he got blow jobs at 300 a pop) She had texted him a pic of herself in her car-- He had described her as some young (supposedly 25) exotic beauty--he is almost 60 mind you--with daughters the same age. Well i saw her and could not believe how she looked in person. Short, stumpy and buck tooth. When she realized who I was she started screaming at me "FU you, you married him don't blame me. My WS is obsessed with biking and had been trolling Ashley Madison and Backpage for nearly 2 years to find his perfect "dream date" to take biking. He destroyed our family just so he could have his ego pumped by some young (she looked 35) adoring chick--only thing is he had to pay her to do it. He even gave her my daughters bike in lieu of a payment. Leaning towards exposing his rear to everyone in this small valley and getting the heck out.

painfulpast posted 6/30/2014 19:19 PM

I knew what kind of vehicle she drove (a hummer naturally--he got blow jobs at 300 a pop

That's scary - how many men are calling her, and others like her?

I'm sorry fortitudo. No one deserves that. And giving your daughter's bike away? are you kidding me???

hopefull77 posted 6/30/2014 19:23 PM

19 months out and I still have melt downs...the difference is I recognize them...most of the time...and will stop and say lets turn on the Tv...something to distract can only say the same shit so many times....
This road is not for sissy's....

fortitudo posted 6/30/2014 19:56 PM

Yep painful it's pretty much a given the Backpage prostitute has seen more penises than a urinal in a bus station. WS was a perfect trick for someone like her--he is not known for endurance. No one knows about his first into the illegal world of sex for money--it would ruin him professionally and the kids would despise him. The pain is worse than anything I ever imagined

cantgetup posted 6/30/2014 21:44 PM

Be gentle on yourself. This is totally normal.

houseofpain posted 7/1/2014 09:53 AM

Thank you all for your replies. I'm better today and am trying to hang in there until my IC appointment on July 8th.

And yes, shiloe, he sees her everyday. His secretary is an attractive 20-something that has a rep for sleeping with married men. I was able to monitor my WS's iMessages and I knew at some point she would send him a message and I watched the whole thing unfold. It's eye opening how these things get started. The first inappropriate text said she noticed he was upset about something and that he could always come talk to her and that she was his friend. It progressed to let's go have a drink after work sometime. At that point I went in for the kill and called her out on her behavior with married men. She made the advances, which makes me sad that there are women out there that purposely invite themselves into the lives of a married couple. She knows me and she also knows that we have a special needs son ...

redsox13 posted 7/1/2014 10:10 AM

You are learning to express your emotions that resulted from the affair.

It took me 5 years to do that.

Trying2LoveAgain posted 7/1/2014 16:56 PM

Congratulations! You have now joined the club of "WHO am I NOW, and WHO STOLD the OLD ME?" That's how I felt the first time I had one of those horrible meltdowns! (And I've had a couple now..Dday was 10 mo. ago). I REALLY thought I was going crazy! I've NEVER been one to scream or throw things, etc. but let me tell you...I've done that all in the past few months! So...don't feel alone and actually, I've read that this is quite normal! Hugs to you...and keep hanging in there!

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