My H is an emotionally unavailable man. The things in our marriage that I overlooked are really starting to bother me now that I have my eyes wide open. I have had some things happen recently that had me spirally out of control, have dealt with them, processed the pain and moved on, or so I thought. I made the decision to take a hard look at myself and ask Do I continue this journey with him? Or do I get out because I know things will probably be the same? Just this weekend my kids were out of town with the granparents so I decided to see if we could connect on a deeper level. We had a fantastic weekend, and I even asked him if he was "all in" of course he said yes. Then to find out he lied 4 times in 2 days, not serious things but its the principal of it KWIM? The man doesn't know how to be authentic, I don't think he know's how. He went to 3 IC appointments and then turned it over to me because the therapist wanted to see where my head was at
He hasn't read a book. To me its like he just wants this to all magically go away, and it wont.
Fear has kept me where Im at. Fear of the unknown, fear of change, fearful of my kids broken hearts. I don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of and it scares me to death. I don't know what Im doing most days, just walking around in a daze with all of these thoughts. I know they say not to make a decision until six months, its been four, I just feel like I take 2 steps forward and 5 back. I just want peace and understanding. He doesn't understand, or maybe he is manipulating me into doing the dirty work for him so it looks like he tried to make it work to everyone else, but at the same time making me look crazy
Thanks for letting me vent...I am just drained and emotionally spent.