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Is he capable of love?

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Blanket posted 7/1/2014 08:16 AM

I have mentioned in previous posts that my H has insecurity issues with himself. Despite a flashy persona put on for the rest of the world deep down he doesn't really like himself. I read frequently that if someone can't love them selves they are never really capable of loving another- is this true?
And if he doesn't fix these gaps in his character will he always be vulnerable to an A? :

yearsofpain25 posted 7/1/2014 08:46 AM

Hi blanket. In my experience this is true. Long story as to why I'm here on SI, but has to do with my NPD mom and her A. She could never make herself happy. We as a family could never make her happy. However, she's full blown NPD so nothing about her will ever change. That said, your husband most likely isn't. Yes, he needs to get to the bottom of how to live a self fulfilled happier existence. Nothing you ever do or don't do can help him with that. That's something he needs to figure out on his own. For that very reason, if he had an A, not fixing himself and figuring out why he's not happy in life, IMHO leave him susceptible to another A. He'll always be looking to fill that void within himself with something.

Sending you strength blanket.


Pentup posted 7/1/2014 12:49 PM

How does he feel about your pain?
My h will probably never be a really happy guy. Bt he is better than he was,. I think he was shocked at how much he hurt me. He could cheat again, but I don't feel like he will.

So, I think it really depends on what your gut is telling ou and how much remorse he has.

Blanket posted 7/3/2014 08:57 AM

Pent up. I think my pain is too much for him to deal with - so he doesn't really. He's sorry and full of regret but not what I'd call remorse.

Thanks yearsofpain. That's what I thought.

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