Has anyone really got stuck figuring it out even though you know you need to change tendencies and ways of dealing? I am changing my coping but stuck on how I got that far gone.
Yes. Stuck. A number of times. Or it felt that way, anyway. I remember times asking my therapist "Is this process really going anywhere? Why is it so slow?!!"
The truth is, it's a variable speed deal, and I think it kind of has to be if you're doing it right. Each realization, discovery, insight, whatever you want to call it, takes a while to settle in. And when it does, it'll become the basis for a deeper insight, and so on. Sometimes a few of those things pile up and combine into a whole new realization that you couldn't have had without each individual revelation.
Sometimes I've found myself freaking out about knowing just exactly when I'm "done". Is there a center to the freaking onion? So far, four years in, I'm still peeling and still making progress. I'm light years where I was from D-day and now I'm wrestling down my very old, pre-affair, pre-marriage even pre-adult demons.
It seems like you are relatively new to this kind of introspection so it might take you some time to get a feel for the rhythm of it but, to use the onion analogy, keep peeling. Hang in there. It is a worthwhile process.
Strength and perseverance to you from a fellow EvolvingSoul.