Missedredflags.
I haven't read the other posts. So I may be repeating what's been said.
Still, this "not telling" is known as the "conspiracy of silence" code. It is in part what enables people to have an affair.
Everyone looks the other way. Few people are brave enough to alert the faithful spouse.
That is so wrong, IMO.
I think being shamed for being a deceitful liar and having an affair, is what will prevent more cheating.
There are a lot of people who will not remain friends with a known cheater and many clients who will not do business with someone whom they see as so distrustful as to cheat on their own wife.
If one is unhappy in a marriage. There is a solution and that solution first MC, if that fails to solve issued, then the solution is divorce.
The solution is not to date another women and then divorce the wife.
Divorce first and then date.
Dating while married is spousal abuse, nothing less.
I hope you have alerted the OW's husband, family and pastor and anyone else who matters to her.
Sunshine shining on an affair is like a disinfectant. It kills the fog the affair partners are in.
In addition talk to whomever you please.
Yes, you need to talk.
Affairs are a form of emotional abuse, and the only thing that enables abuse is secrecy.
One clue to an abusive person is they say "whatever goes on in this family stays private in the family."
Well, No, that is garbage. If a spouse has emotionally abused you. You need to talk about it.
I see an individual counselor, also. I also felt MC was a waste of time.
Why?
Because my husband had completely re-written the marital history. I felt it was further abuse to have him lie to the MC and force me to defend myself.
It wasted time, and MONEY, IMO.
At least in individual counseling, there is no need to defend yourself against a spouse's foggy lies.