SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

yme32313 posted 7/1/2014 09:55 AM

It's been 10 months since Dday and I thought I was doing better but for these past few days. I can't let go of anything and continue to cry. Were others like this? Or is it just me?

norabird posted 7/1/2014 09:58 AM

Healing is not a linear process--it is cyclical. As you continue processing, the downs will still come, just not as often and for shorter durations. Remind yourself that the upswings will still come too and that even the pain you are feeling is part of the journey forward.

(((yme)))

Landoes posted 7/1/2014 10:23 AM

I'm a little over a year since d day, and these past two weeks gave been rough. But nothing like it was before. Trust me, it gets better

steppingup posted 7/1/2014 10:26 AM

Everyone is different, but it can take years to resolve the feelings. It all depends on how loving and remorseful your spouse was. The less helpful they are the less healing will happen. God bless you.

Dawn58 posted 7/1/2014 10:42 AM

It has surprised me how long this process takes, with all the ups and downs. At ten months, I laughed for the first time. I stilled cried and felt angry and so much pain.

I am a year and a half out now, going through the divorce. I can say that I have moments when I am happy, the tears are fewer and farther between. I still feel angry but also feel that I am letting go.
I relish the freedom in my life now and exploring who I am. I still feel lost at times but am enjoying the discovery process.

I have found that the ups and downs are still there, but not as frequently. I don't get stuck in the downswing as long. I am looking forward to the day when I don't have a single thought about the affair or him.

yme32313 posted 7/1/2014 10:51 AM

He feels bad for what he did but he wants to move forward.

He says that it was in the past and we weren't even married.

It just hurts to think that he did to me and I have no idea how long he did this to me.

For me to get accused of seeing someone else and he's doing it, is what hurts. I ended my friendship with this friend because of his jealousy only to find out he was hurting me all this time.

norabird posted 7/1/2014 12:42 PM

What he is really saying is that he wants to rugsweep. If rugsweeping happens, real healing can't. It i still hard when you are dealing with everything in the open, but at least it's being addressed. If you jut brush this all aside as in the past, it will only fester. So, is he able to step up and actively work on healing you and the M?

yme32313 posted 7/1/2014 12:47 PM

It's so hard Norabird he doesn't want to own up to anything nor does he want to talk about what he's done. Saying we weren't married and was so long ago.

Plinker77 posted 7/1/2014 13:55 PM

Don't let it make you miserable. take back control of yourself if you can ( I know it's easier said than done). Praying that you get better!

yme32313 posted 7/1/2014 14:05 PM

How can I get over all of this?

WeepingBuddhist posted 7/1/2014 14:17 PM

Find a therapist for YOU. Take care of yourself and know that you can be as strong as you have to be.

yme32313 posted 7/1/2014 14:37 PM

Seems every IC I have seen either tell me to leave him or say well you weren't married at the time so you should get over it.

WeepingBuddhist posted 7/1/2014 14:58 PM

well, the ones who are saying you should leave him get my vote, but really, you have to figure out what will help you be happy. Is this the relationship you want AS IT IS?

yme32313 posted 7/1/2014 16:34 PM

We're married now...I found this out after we got married. Had I known before I would have left. I did make my vow to God to be married to this man.

outtanowhere posted 7/1/2014 16:50 PM

You made a commitment based on lies and deceit. It's honorable that you want to be true to your vows but, really you didn't know what you were truly getting into. You can now be true to yourself and admit that it just might be a deal breaker in the long run.

It hurts. All of it.

yme32313 posted 7/1/2014 19:07 PM

He said he honors his vows as well and this is a commitment. Been with the man for 10 years. I'm just so hurt and confused.

deena04 posted 7/1/2014 19:12 PM

Right there with you (((yme32313))). Be strong, my friend. It goes up and down. I am not as far as you, but feel the same thing. Today I hate his guts. Yesterday I loved him a lot. Ugh!

yme32313 posted 7/1/2014 20:32 PM

These little bits and pieces go up and then down. Feel I can't live without him then I feel I can. Why can't people just stay committed? ((Deena)) we really need to take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.