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Must Survive posted 7/1/2014 11:27 AM

During my marriage, while I had a few female friends, it always revolved around family activities. I am not one that needs a bunch of friends. With STBXH and kids I was happy.

Now I have this NB, trying to rebuild my life. One of the components is having real friends. I dumped a couple of friends after dday. I really have no one I can just call and talk to. I have a couple of friends, one from high school and one I met at a speed dating event (didn't meet any guys!). But with both of them, our activities are based on going out to a bar. I have tried to get them to do other things, movies, shopping etc. One is starting to get involved with a guy, the other has her kid every other week, so some weeks she just is too tired to do anything.

I am doing meetups, in activities I enjoy. But it seems like most people already know each other and have their "group".

So I am struggling at this age to make meaningful friends. I don't know what else to do. But I know it would be nice to have one or two who I could support and they could support me.

Chrysalis123 posted 7/1/2014 11:38 AM

I have the same problem. No meet ups in my area either. I try to do things with the church etc....but very few women my age are divorced. I have found if they are not divorced they are too busy.

It is hard.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 2:34 PM, July 1st (Tuesday)]

PhoenixRisen posted 7/1/2014 11:44 AM

Same here

I got closer to a neighbor during D then last summer she moved!
Then, I became friends with a another mom through mutual kids events & now she just moved last week to Europe!

Seems like each time I make a friend she moves away... (both were military wives so that is was why they moved but still)

Lonelygirl10 posted 7/1/2014 12:53 PM

I joined meetup, and met some great girls through that. Now we organize our own things, and don't do meetup anymore.

I think it's really just about timing. I had zero friends for about a year, and kept going to activities without meeting anyone. I felt very lonely. Then suddenly went to a meetup, and met 2 great girls. Our group expanded over the next month or so, and we have about 10 people that regularly do things on the weekend. They all moved to the town around the same time, so it was just about the timing. Keep active, and keep going to things. Don't give up.

ISPIFFD posted 7/1/2014 14:50 PM

It is very hard!

I finally met a nice gal here in my new neighborhood (after living here almost 2 years), and it happened only because she's very outgoing and we both have dogs about the same size and a month apart in age, so there was some instant common ground as we bumped into each other while out dog walking.

She'd been coming over to my house with her tween daughter and their dog because my yard is fenced in so our dogs (and her daughter) can run and run and wear themselves out, and she and I would sit and chat.

It was great!

All of the sudden a couple weeks ago, *poof*!

I texted a couple times to see if she was okay, received polite replies that something horrible happened and thanks for checking on her. Now I see her actually trying to avoid me while out on walks.

Honestly, I'm totally befuddled and I'm sure it's nothing I did, so I simply don't get it. But she knows where I live...

Another friend who used to get together with me for estate sales and coffee once a week or so has taken up serious hiking/running (way more than I'm interested in doing, esp with my bum foot), so now we never get together because apparently her foray into hiking all the time is more important to her. We used to also trade long emails. Now she's informed me that it's too hard for her to email because she's on only her iPhone or iPad and typing's difficult. I think of all the stuff we used to do together and these changes make me really sad, but part of my own NB is not changing myself to please other people like I used to do... I don't want to start hiking and trying to carry on a friendship via texts all the time...

Yeah, it's really hard.

fireproof posted 7/1/2014 19:49 PM

This may sound odd but I think it is about coming across people who make good friends.

I use to think most everyone is nice but what makes a good friend. Most people as adults are super busy so it is a quicker friendship or one dependent upon the environment - meetup etc.

You are going to have hit or misses but if you meet someone ask then to do something. You never know.

I have met some really neat friends through meetup and a few are close. We call each other after dates etc. Some are close to me like my college friends but a bit different in the sense I say something and they might not totally get my meaning.

It does take work but whether things work out or not with an SO you will always have your good friends!

[This message edited by fireproof at 7:50 PM, July 1st (Tuesday)]

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