Wanted to share a incident from this weekend as a cautionary tale.
On Friday night, I told BW I needed to hit the local Lowe's for some maintenance projects around the house. I left Saturday morning while everyone was still sleeping. BW groggily looked at me when I left.
Being on my own, with no one waiting to be picked up or for dinner to be made or anything, I tended to wander a little. I was walking up and down aisles, making plans for all the projects I had in my head for the next few months. I guess I let time slip away from me.
I also wanted to plant some flowers, but Lowe's had nothing interesting. So on my way home, I stopped at the local nursery. Lowe's is like 3 miles away, and the nursery is half way between there and home, on the same road.
I heard my find my iPhone pinging. BW was panicked, wondering where I was. I immediately offered to face time her so she could see I was telling the truth. I dropped my flowers and came straight home.
Turns out that BW just misread the location on the app.
Even when I was "good" I would have done this same thing. If there were no plans, I might run a couple extra errands while I was out.
I was completely in the wrong. I need to always be vigilant. I cannot say I am one place and NOT be there, even if it is totally innocent.
I am upset with myself that I let my guard down. That I slipped into this kind of behavior without thinking about the affect on BW. I need to always, always remember BW's feelings, regardless of what I am doing. I cannot think that it's all OK, because it is not OK. I cannot be thoughtless like that. Thoughtless leads to escaping into my own little world, where I give myself permission to make bad decisions. I know there is a huge distance between stopping at a nursery to buy plants and having an A, but I need to remember that I cannot start even one step on that path.
tl:dr -- be where you say you are, always.