SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Numb2014 posted 7/1/2014 15:14 PM

Once the fantasy is over...do they last? Mine is leaving the house with bills, no job, and an impending bankruptcy. Yes, he will be a nurse soon, but they are going from meeting up for a few hours every night to "study" and on the weekends, to moving in together, finances, children 3-4 nights a week. I am a christian woman, and I shouldn't think this way, but I pray for their failure...I pray that she will lose him the way she got him...

My mind is everywhere. I am so tempted ot text him adn just cry, but I know without a doubt that is the worst thing that I can do. So I guess I will be posting here alot...

movingforward13 posted 7/1/2014 15:32 PM

They don't typically last but your focus should be on you and not them. Because when his life is done imploding... He will come crawling back. You need to be strong enough to say no and slam the door in his face.

Numb2014 posted 7/1/2014 15:43 PM

you're right, movingforward. I just hate that he can do this to me again, and have no consequences to his actions....

movingforward13 posted 7/1/2014 15:53 PM

Again? Well now you know for sure... Slam the door in his face when he tries to come back.

Numb2014 posted 7/1/2014 15:58 PM

Oh yes...again.

We are divorced due to infidelity. I took him back afterwards because I desperately wanted our children to have both parents, not come from a broke home. 5 years later, here we are again...

TimeToGo2014 posted 7/1/2014 17:12 PM

I think it's entirely normal to wonder that. But honestly, describing what the reality will be for them - the odds are not in their favor. My SO cheated on his 1st wife, married the mistress, and they divorced a year later. The fun and intoxication of the affair chase was over. Now it was complicated by blended family issues, a VERY angry exwife, and a bad reputation.

I've thought about this in my situation too- my SO I've been told, is seeing a woman in a city he travels to once a week. She's a little older than me, married (but will divorce if my SO will 'stand by her side' puke), and has two kids younger than mine. There is not a chance he will have anything serious with her, but I'm sure faking a future with her like he did me.

Hang in there Numb, keep posting your thoughts!

kenny55 posted 7/1/2014 17:59 PM

Numb,
I am a Christian also. Did not Jesus say to the woman caught up in adultery to"go and sin no more?" Your husband has demonstrataed that he does not want to change. You will be fine. Focus on you and your children. Peace

Sleepingbeauty posted 7/1/2014 18:28 PM

Not usually. Could you imagine a relationship that started out with lies and secrets? They will never trust tho other person 100%, they know what each other is capable of.

I to sometimes think about them falling apart and have decided not to waste my time or energy on them. At least in theory. I'm a work in progress.

I do believe the karma bus or god or whatever will eventually get ahold of them.

beyondpain6107 posted 7/1/2014 18:45 PM

Mine married his OW in 2009. He still calls me and propositions me. My daughter sent me a text today telling me all about the fighting between them....it may last, but they are miserable. Honestly, 7 years out from Dday1, I don't really care what they do or go through. I do laugh at it though.
Stick to the 180....hugs and prayers for you Numb2014

Numb2014 posted 7/1/2014 20:38 PM

The thing with my ex is he's very "friendly". I know in my gut he will try to be too friendly with me and I know she will hate any and all contact between us because I plan on being just as nice as I can possibly be. Kill them with kindness. I'd like to plant the seed and watch them detroy their "relationship"

He's gone again to see her. My son is home so I can't cry. So I went to the gym instead. I have 40lbs to lose and I will be one hot bitch by the time is over. I need to do something to make myself feel better about ME

wanttogoforward posted 7/1/2014 20:52 PM

You go girl! Hitting the gym with the motivation that it is for you is the perfect goal! And if it eats at his heart that is the bonus!

Do they last- well. if you listen to Dr. Phil he says more than 95% of relationships that begin as affairs fail.... so the odds of it lasting are very slim!

In the case of everyone I know personally where it started as an A- they didn't last... the longest I knew lasted around 10 years... and those were long and miserable years for them- if they both weren't so stubborn it would have fallen apart at year 3 or 4. But just as we hang in there sometimes for years too long their relationships work the same way- they hang on for reasons only known to themselves- could be money, not wanting to look like a failure again, stubbornness, more kids, who knows the reason... but they rarely last with the 'fantasy' and deep abiding love they expect when it starts. So rest assured- even if it lasts it will likely be miserable! LOL

Always remember the saying "If they'll do with with you, they'll do it to you" and laugh your way to the bank.... because you will use this opportunity to get yourself together in all ways- financially, sanity, happiness, etc. while they just dig themselves deeper into the hole of misery.... and karma will hit them- you don't need to deliver it... they do it to themselves!

fireproof posted 7/1/2014 20:58 PM

Some do and some don't but some do and leave a mess around them.

I know it seems odd but one day you will be so busy in your life they won't matter together or not. They are broken but the injustice to be honest still bothers me. Not enough to change my life and be like them but I suppose I am stuck on principles.

Focus on you and the more you do they won't be on your radar. It really does happen- hang in there!

Numb2014 posted 7/1/2014 21:02 PM

Fireproof, everyone I talk to says that so I have hope!! Of course I can't see or imagine that now. One day though. One day at a time.

At the gym, the eminem song "love the way you lie" came on and I just wanted to stop and start crying. Something about the lyrics.