This man had gone to intensive inpatient therapy because of the serious nature of his sex addiction and he said there was a huge focus on the addict learning empathy, especially towards the people closest to him (typically his wife and children).
He said one of the things they had him do that helped him the most was they had his wife write a "victim statement" ( I'm not sure if that's what they called it, just my attempt at putting a name on it....) Then the counselor read him the letter. His wife was not there so he could hear her story of how his SA has changed her life and devastated her without being distracted by her presence. I guess hearing her point of view from someone else makes it easier to absorb for the addict.
My H asked me, when I'm ready, would I be willing to write him a letter for his sponsor to read to him. I have to say I am both excited and terrified by this. I think it will be extremely therapeutic to tell him exactly how I've been affected without being interrupted or having to look into his guilty, shame filled face as I do it. It's the act of dragging up all that horrible pain that scares me a little bit.
Has anyone ever done something similar to this? What were the results and feelings brought about by this exercise? Did anything positive come from this? Any negatives?
What a well-deserved gift towards healing.
I hope you do it and are able to truly be honest with the damage that has been caused because of this trauma.
I read some of my journals to my spouse. And the horrible, horrible poetry. It was pretty rough on him, but good, too
I am so ready to do this!!!
Last night we went out to dinner and he went through the whole timeline from beginning to end. I already knew everything but still had a few lingering questions and blanks that needed filling in. There was tons of honesty and vulnerability and zero defensiveness and judgment.
Then we went home and got it on…
The perfect date night!!
Things are going so well I have to keep reminding myself to just enjoy it and not worry about when it will end…
Thank you again!!!