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1-year antiversery

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lucy17 posted 7/1/2014 17:41 PM

Please share you experience--what it felt like leading up to anniversary of first D-day. I'm struggling--crying a lot, obsessing, nightmares, not feeling well physically (thinking sinus infection), wanting to avoid social gatherings, not talking to any friends, nauseous, tired, angry, miserably sad, impatient...

Needadrink posted 7/1/2014 18:46 PM

Hi Lucy so sorry that you are going through this, hold on for the ride it's all normal, I have just passed this stage and for me it was like I had just come out of the denial and fog stage and realised that , yes he actually has done this to me. I am now seeing things with more clarity although it seems top hurt all over again and I am questioning my reasons for staying in the marriage.
I too have spent this last year with so many debilitating ailments, vestibular migraine being one, dizziness is a big problem for me but I believe this can be a symptom of anxiety too.
This is a process and we just have to go through it. Hugs to you

musiclovingmom posted 7/1/2014 20:07 PM

I hurt. I obsessed. I checked up more often. I cried. I felt anxious. The 2 weeks or so leading up to it were pretty miserable. However, we left for a weekend alone on the day. Surprisingly, the actual day wasn't nearly as hard as I had expected or feared. But the lead up was miserable. Hugs to you!

Howie posted 7/2/2014 07:14 AM

My "anniversary" is Christmas eve, you can imagine the anxiety and workup that build every year to that night. Because that was the night I died in every sense except the physical, oddly said. 16 years later, I still get waves of pain from that event. But I know too, as deeply, that my life was bigger than that horror and that life is good, that I love, can trust, work, help others, enjoy the things I enjoy. I died, I wanted so badly to die and yet I lived and after the hard time, have enjoyed almost every minute after. You see, I trusted her absolutely- and that was wrong.So life educated me. And I moved on.

Gman1 posted 7/2/2014 08:28 AM

Lucy,
My one year anniversary was just a couple of months ago in May. I too had dreaded the coming of this day for a while. But at some point a month or so before the anniversary, I became so tired of all the constant negative A related thoughts and feelings. Like all WS's, I had been through hell for several months. I grew tired of letting this ruin and dominate my life and the worst part was not having control over my mind. Finally I decided that I wasn't going to allow this mindset to continue and drew a line in the sand. I had suffered enough agony and it had truly ruined nearly a full year of my life. A year that I could never get back and one that should have been one of the best of my life.

When the thoughts came, and they came often, I learned how to "change the channel" in my head. It wasn't easy at first but with much effort I was eventually able to usually think about something else, something good and positive. It doesn't always work but it does more often than not and it has been a real blessing and relief.
Another thing that helped me on the anniversary of D-day was planning to make myself extra-busy that day. I planned several things to do which took up the entire day and it really helped. Plus I took the mindset beforehand that I wasn't going to allow that day to be a bad day. I stayed so busy that I didn't have time to think about it and it really worked.

I know everyone's situation is different. Thankfully, my FWW is a model wayward if there is such a thing. I still have times when the thoughts come but I simply do not allow them to control my life any longer.

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