Coma, I could have written the exact same thing about my xww.
I believe my xww blamed me simply because somewhere inside that fogg filled brain there was still enough brain cells firing to know that what she was doing was horribly bad. My xww lived the life of good church going woman, super honest, great person yada yada. She sold her soul for the price of some cheap dumb-ass perverts (multiple perverts to be exact)attention. That has got to be somebodies fault and it sure as hell wasn't hers.
What I think really happened is she hit the big 50, had put on some weight, had lost a lot of her hair, and was feeling sorry for herself. I always thought she was a beautiful woman and told her so. I think she got to feeling sorry for herself and went looking for some validation that she was attractive. The experts on AFF and CL helped her with that.
The other huge part of it is selfishness. The xww always was pretty self centered (loved her anyway). I told her that what she was doing was the most selfish act a spouse could ever possibly do.
As far as the OP, yeah I've been there but honestly I got over giving the OP any of my energy pretty fast. Look, saying that she is a follower etc. is kind of giving her an excuse (humble opinion, not meant to hurt). Your fww owns 50% of this, and that is the only part you had vows with. Hold her accountable, don't waste any energy on the worthless piece of shit OP. It wont get you anywhere but down!
I am a good man. I make mistakes like everyone else but i learn and grow
I too am a good man, and I think all of our kids (even my step kids/hers) would say I am a great dad. Guess what all that had nothing to do with her cheating. Your fww is broken, plain and simple. You didn't break her, you cant fix her. This was a crucial point for me when I finally believed it.
i feel i must exaust every single avenue until hope is no more.
I respect that, I really do. But, do not set yourself up for failure. It says a lot about a spouse who is willing to give their wayward another chance and work things out. If you read enough of the stories on here you will see some people are successful and manage to R and make it back to happiness. There is one common denominator, it takes hard work and commitment/determination to make it work. Is your fww doing the hard work, is she in IC, remember you can not do it for her! Has she ever owned up and taken FULL responsibility for her actions? I f she hasn't done all that, then in all likely hood she will never be able to "fix" what got her into the mess in the first place.
Remember, being a good, kind, decent, loving husband isn't going to win her back (you were already doing all that and she cheated). The only thing that will get her back is for her to do some real hard work, it is up to her!
Strength to you brother!
BSB
[This message edited by bigskyblues at 1:25 AM, July 2nd (Wednesday)]