I think I may have turned a corner. A couple of days ago I had a conversation with a coworker about her relationship with her boyfriend and during that conversation she mentioned how she was still in the process of getting divorced. She told me that she was married for 10 years with a 7 year old daughter and that her stbx cheated. She said that that she was so happy with her SO that she is "thankful" that her stbx cheated.
I told her that at times I am grateful that I'm not married to the ex, but I haven't gotten to thankful that he cheated
Anyhoo.... whenever I have fantasized about having a SO in my life, it seems that the fantasy always included me rubbing my new guy in ex's face. I never fantasized about being in love again, having great sex or having a companion. It was always in relation to showing my ex that he is not the only one who could find love and move on.
After the conversation with the coworker and reading the Menz thread in general and then reading a Robin Wright article where she talks about how happy she is with her new guy and how she believes she stayed married too long to Sean Penn, I think that I have finally turned a corner. I want to experience love and companionship again. I want great sex, I want orgasms because I deserve those things and not because I'm in some weird competition in my head with the ex.
Has anyone experienced the phenomenon where the only reason you were considering dating was to show the world and your ex that you are not some divorced, unlovable person that no one wants??
I didn't realize that was my motivation until a few days ago. Now I want a good life for me. Not to prove anything to anyone. Am I alone in this thought process or is this part of the infidelity spectrum of healing??