Overall, while this would hurt my feelings I dont consider it horrible neccesarily, assuming hes never had any issues with cheating before (has he?) and the relationship is a good one you two.have.
It could be totally innocent - he's just looking.cuz its there and men like to look. It really depends to me on the state of your relationship, whether this would be acceptable or ot.
Do you think he might be contacting her (or one of the other girls he's searching) through another means?
ETA: He was searching her multiple times the day before and days after our wedding anniversary. At least he was kind enough to not be checking out my friend on our freaking anniversary. Pig.
[This message edited by needhelp19 at 10:01 AM, July 2nd (Wednesday)]
I found out that FWW was searching OM#2 on FB months before they even started communicating. All he even posted was a 15 year old picture of himself, I don't know what she was even getting out of it but she was looking at it all the time. She also looked at several other male FB pages ALL the TIME. So in hindsight, if I had the information you have I would have done things differently.
I would have strait up said "you know I can see all your FB searches and I'm a little bothered about what I saw, please explain". Then I would have waited to see where she went with it.
I can't say that your H doing this is incredibly unusual. IMO it's like when they have a famous person on the cover of Playboy and sales skyrocket. This person is generally less attractive than the standard nude model but men feel like they KNOW her so it's more appealing. I feel it's probably a bit unusual how much he does it.
There are some red flags for Sexual Addiction. It doesn't always manifest itself in porn and promiscuity. Sometimes it looks like, well, what you are seeing. After you confront him you may want to look for other signs and/or get him into IC. I suggest IC since he will not likely tell you the truth concerning what he does while looking at the pictures.
First, you really do need to check out his phone records. The women he's obsessing over may have no involvement, but don't assume anything until you know for sure.
I am dealing with something similar, and I wish I could give you some good advice. Unfortunately, he's made it so that you will never want those women to be around him again. And at the same time, you'll be afraid to even mention them for fear of him thinking of them at the very mention of their name.
I agree that he needs to be confronted. No more facebook also. But sadly, he will do whatever he wants to on his computer at work.
Please don't think you're over reacting, or downplay how you're feeling. This is sad, and changes so many things for you...
Take care, and keep posting
MindMonkey- that's what's odd about the other two facebook girls, he's not friends with them so he can't see what they post just a few pictures so it's weird that he is checking them every few days, as well. What is he getting out of it?
Anyway, I will definitely be confronting him about it when he gets home from work. Obviously he is doing this for a reason and I need to get to the bottom of it. Never would have thought I would be dealing with something like this so early on in our marriage. So disappointing.
As a side note, he's not doing this on his work computer, he has a tablet that he brings with him to work. And everywhere else for that matter, including the bathroom. Ugh I am so disgusted.
Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.
You say he has never cheated before, and for your sake, I hope this is true. I do want to point out that there are many different levels or "degrees" of infidelity. Some people only think that a physical affair is cheating so "just talking to a friend" is fine. The "just talking" can be an emotional affair. Also, some people very sexting as harmless fun...no big deal. However, it's cheating. In out digital age there are many different kinds of infidelity.
That being said, if I found what you found, I would go into "cloak and dagger" mode and search everything - phone, email, computer, tablet, any and all devices he has. I do this so I could get a complete picture of what is going on so I don't go all "WTF!!" on him. Again, this is just what I would do. Then once I have all the evidence I would only confront with a portion of it and then he would need to tell you the rest.
Regarding deactivating a FB account. I don't think it would matter. I don't have FB and I can look at anyone's page if it's public. So if her's is public it won't matter.
Sending you strength and (((hugs)). I hope for your sake that he's just looking at her pics and there is nothing else going on.
I wouldn't confront yet. If you do, he will get defensive and tell you it's nothing, just curiosity,etc. He will.make you feel silly.
I think you need to check those phone records. Check his calls and texts. Look around on his phone. Any weird apps? Texts?
If you confront now, and he is cheating, then he will just take it further underground.
You said she is a friend. There are many betrayed wives here who found out their best friend was having an affair with their husband.
The two other women he look up on a regular basis could be coworkers.
[This message edited by confused615 at 10:50 AM, July 2nd (Wednesday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
I would be concerned about this because its in secret and with her being your friend, he might have mentioned it to you. So I would think he is having thoughts about her. With the other 2, if they are exes, that would be a red flag to me.
I found searches from my WBF's FB for the OW and for ex girlfriends. He said he was curious to see what they look like and that's OK, but there may be something else going on.
I think its a good suggestion to ask your friend about her privacy settings but she may like the attention she gets. Can you start a conversation about your friend with him to see how he reacts?
"Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive" - CS Lewis
As for asking her to block him, I think what I will do is delete her from his friends list and see if he says something to me. It's way too embarrassing to tell my friend that my husband apparently has the hots for her. He's actually brought her up a few times this week without me initiating conversation and I found it odd and changed the subject immediately. That's what lead to me checking his FB searches.
I guess what I will do is keep trying to dig and see what else I can find before confronting. That will give me some time to get my emotions in check, too. Thank God for this site, and thank you all for your helpful replies. It's so sickening to find out how people can't just love the ones they are with. Why be married if you are so wrapped up in other people???
Huge waving red flags.
Why don't you have his passwords?
It really doesn't matter that he knows you're good at snooping. Most cheating spouse's are so arrogant they think they want get caught.
And..that you don't have those passwords...I'm sure He thinks he won't get caught.
[This message edited by confused615 at 11:17 AM, July 2nd (Wednesday)]