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Blanket posted 7/2/2014 09:48 AM

My H is being a bit weird today. Not in a bad, defensive way just quiet and keeps saying strange things like 'I love you (pause) ... Like a husband loves his wife'!
Thanking me for house hold things and offering to pay for things . Is this him suddenly realising he doesn't appreciate me and as he can't seem to bring himself to apologise for the A meaningfully he sees this as the next best thing.
He couldn't sleep last night for hours (the last time he couldn't sleep was during the A so almost triggered).
It feel like something is going on with him but I can't put my finger on what. It doesn't feel like deceit.

NoGoodUsername posted 7/2/2014 10:18 AM

Wayward here

It sounds like he is trying to reach out and begin making amends. He's flailing some and the things he is doing are really only small gestures. I don't want to blow sunshine at you but it might be him fumbling toward the right path.

[This message edited by NoGoodUsername at 10:19 AM, July 2nd (Wednesday)]

jo2love posted 7/2/2014 10:23 AM

Is he reading here or Not Just Friends? I agree with NoGoodUsername. Sounds like he is starting to understand the gravity of the A, realizing how much you mean to him, and struggling with what he has done.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 10:26 AM, July 2nd (Wednesday)]

musiclovingmom posted 7/2/2014 12:35 PM

Maybe it is just my personality , but I favor a direct approach. Tell him you've noticed him doing these things and ask why. Don't be accusatory in your tone. If you appreciate them, be sure and tell him that. If he tells you he is working to show appreciation, thank him. Use it as a way for both of you to express what you need to feel safe and loved. I.E. - my husband often says thanks for things I do and compliments how well I do them. It's nice, but doesn't really do anything for me. I feel much more appreciated when he ties that back to some aspect of who I am. So, when he says 'thank you for dinner. It was delicious'. That's nice, but, it is better for me if he says, 'dinner was delicious. You're so creative. Thanks for always coming up with delicious new meals'. It isn't easy for me to spell out what I need, but I have realized that I can't just expect him to know what I need. It isn't that he doesn't love me because he doesn't figure it out on his own. It is simply that we think very differently and the difference in those compliments is not something he readily notices.

Tammy1 posted 7/2/2014 16:56 PM

I think you should just ask him as well. Open communication is a good thing.

Blanket posted 7/3/2014 02:35 AM

My WH is an incredibly bad communicator which is why we reached this crisis in our marriage in the first place. I know, no matter how I pose the question he will take it as an attack and that what he's doing isn't good enough- he hears exactly what he wants to rather than what is actually being said.
Again this morning he said 'I love you like a husband loves his wife' - is that odd?
He keeps telling me how happy he is and how nice things are . Whilst this is all lovely to hear I find my self thinking - really?!
I am hopeful that this is the beginning of a turning point but I don't want to up my hopes only to be disappointed.

misslocket posted 7/3/2014 03:38 AM

Im with you on that, sometimes so hard to communicate without them feeling attacked, they are just over sensitive and self absorbed, in there eyes its just a case of, 'take it as it is' dont question it.
To me its seems as though you have turned a corner slightly with him though, do you think the counselling this week impacted on that?
The question is are you happy? are things nice for you? just because he feels that way doesn't mean you do too.
So difficult and I understand you dont want to set your self up to be hurt again. x

Blanket posted 7/3/2014 07:06 AM

I'm totally scared of opening my self up to be hurt again. And quite frankly it's very difficult to believe a word he says but I so want to. He text me earlier out of the blue and said I love you. Then came home at lunch and told me how much he loved me and how happy he was . I want to yell then WHY WHY WHY. Did you jeopardise it?! I adore my H and can't bear to imagine life without him.
I wouldn't say I was happy that seems near impossibility given what has happened but I would say I'm feeling a little more at peace.
Last night someone who knows nothing of our situation made a joke about my H having a girlfriend and later my H did come and ask if I was ok, I said it hurt and he was apologetic. I need more of that .
I want to believe we are turning a corner and hoping the last of the fog is lifting but afraid to get comfortable, I wonder if I ever will again.

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