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Numb2014 posted 7/2/2014 12:03 PM

So, without going in to all the same details, he basically cheated on me when I was pregnant 5 years ago and left me for her. After about a year, he was asking to reconcile, and because of the kids, I thought I would always wonder "what if" if I said no, plus I still loved him. So for the past three years, we have been in R. Or so I thought.

A few months after he moved back in, he sent me a text that made no sense. Something about I look cuter with my messy hair. I texted him back "what" and about 20 mins later he text back saying something lame like "I was half asleep when I text that, sorry...part of my dream I guess". I checked phone records, and he had been texting a number right before and right after he sent me that text. I called the number, it was a girl. I hung up, didn't say anything. I was in denial. I thought if I worked harder he would stop. Then I found a text from the current OW back in 2012. All of his texts start with "Hey beautiful!". Ask me the last time he told me I was beautiful.....Well, I confronted, he tells me that he calls all the guys in school "bro" and all the girls "beautiful" then he says "Have you SEEN her!? Come on babe, she is FAR from beautiful". That was in 2012.

In 2013 I found texts between him and ANOTHER woman. MAJOR flirting and hints of meeting up for "something more inappropriate"-their words, not mine. I confronted him on that one, he cried, begged and pleaded for me to not leave him, he didn't know why he went along with it, he just enjoyed the attention, and he would work on our relationship from here on out. May 2013 is when that was.

I found letters and emails from this current OW all this time as well. And to be honest, its not like he went from a 10 to a 2. He went from a 10 to a NEGATIVE (-) 12. That's how bad it is. When I first saw OW picture, I was in utter shock. Like....REALLY!? It makes not sense to me. But, she is smart. She graduated with honors, and she does his papers for him. She is the reason he has a 4.0 in Nursing school. So, he is using her. And she will find out very soon. I do believe he will make it work with her until he is financially stable on his own, and even then, if he chooses to stay with her, it will be to prove he didn't through a good woman away for nothing.

So that is the jist of our relationship. Not good. I know I am better off. I know he is a serial cheater, and he will be cheating on her too. and that I am better off. one day at a time though...

soccermom9 posted 7/2/2014 13:34 PM

I am so sorry you are going thru this! There is tons of great information here and lots of support! Hang in there!

Lucky2HaveMe posted 7/2/2014 14:15 PM

Ya know, he never faced himself. He never believed he did anything wrong. If that little voice ever spoke to him, he talked himself out of it or just turned it out. If cheaters don't figure out what is missing within themselves and they don't do the
work to fix that empty space in a healthy way, they will always go back to old patterns.

I'm glad you know you are better off without him. That doesn't make infidelity any easier to deal with. I remember about 20 years ago a coworker filed for divorce. She was hurting and said she didn't feel she deserved to hurt because she was the one pulling the plug on the M. I didn't agree with her then, and after being here, I disagree even more.

Your life as you know it has died. Mourn it. Then embrace yourself and your future. You will survive. You can thrive!

Be diligent and don't let him suck (hoover) you back in with sweet talk. Remind yourself where you have been these last 5 years. Time to break the cycle.

Welcome and I hope you find comfort and healing here.

Tigaress posted 7/2/2014 14:25 PM

That guy sounds like a sociopath - and then he's becoming a nurse! - using and abusing people for his own benefit without any sign of remorse. And they can be charming but only if they want something from you. I'd find some memory pieces of his betrayals and keep them somewhere so that you can go look at them in case he comes crawling back to you for whatever other selfish reason - until he finds the next woman to use. Just a nasty thought on the side: you could drop a hint or two at his school that he doesn't write his own papers ... maybe saving the world from an incompetent nurse who just cheated his way through school.

Numb2014 posted 7/2/2014 14:30 PM

tigaress-I thought about it! BELIEVE ME!!!

Plinker77 posted 7/2/2014 14:45 PM

Horrible! Be strong, it will all be better on the other side of this, when you are with someone worthy of having you.

Trying2LoveAgain posted 7/2/2014 15:14 PM

Not sure how he thinks he's going to pass his NCLEX (without her) or does he even know what that is??? Scares me to think he would actually pass Nursing School, but again...he has to pass those state board tests by himself! Hopefully that's where the world will be spared! But more so, Í feel for you and your family! It doesn't sound like he's figured out ONE thing about himself! Please take care of YOU and your family #1! Stay Strong! Prayers and peace being sent your way!:)