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Need to stop torturing myself

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April3216 posted 7/2/2014 12:09 PM

I have been cursed and blessed with a photographic memory. It has come in handy at my job and during my college and post grad education. HOWEVER, it is beyond a curse at this point in my life. All I can keep replaying in my mind are our happy memories. The only thing that makes them stop is that they were marred and ruined by him and his ten years of lies. How can you make mind movies stop, when your memory just wont allow you to? It gets easier over time, I know, BUT i will never be able to forget all of this.
He is moving along swimmingly, found his registry online (I know, I shouldn't look), they are moving, my son comes home from when he is with him in perfect condition, fully fed, clean diaper, and happily asleep so I can't say he's neglecting him, yet I am the one suffering...

yme32313 posted 7/2/2014 12:18 PM

I'm the same way, I have an excellent memory. I remember names, numbers, events, almost everything and I too can't take this out of my mind. I try my hardest but it seems I always go back.

Tigaress posted 7/2/2014 12:23 PM

Build new, better memories. Give your self the all-around wellness program, spend tons of time with friends and work down the list of things you always wanted to do? Big hug!!

Numb2014 posted 7/2/2014 12:38 PM


I don't understand these men who leave their pregnant wives/newborn babies. And this other woman sat by and watched him get married and have a baby and STILL wants him???

I see a trainwreck ahead.

I am like you right now though. Mind movies. Just last week, he was planning a future with me, discussing our future home, future plans, etc. This week, he is moving out with her. I am a firm believer in karma. And I do believe your's will get his.

I'm so sorry

April3216 posted 7/2/2014 12:51 PM

Iíve been trying to build new memories, and I have great ones so far, lots of laughs with my friends, but itís when itís silent, silence in my head, and silence in the house that I lose it. I never knew how scary silence could be.
I donít get how they can do it either.. I really donít, but he didnít care. I blame him completely. HE could never let her go, and sought to only marry me because she had gotten married first, but I have to let that go. They fill you with such false hope, and you donít think itís false at the time because why would you think your husband was lying to you? Thanks Numb, sorry for your pain as well. I am nowhere near better, but I am functioning a lot better than when I did when I found out, that will come for you too.

Lark posted 7/2/2014 14:09 PM

I'm so sorry your'e going through this with a 4 week old on top of what he's doing. He does not have overnights or anything with the baby does he? Make sure you take time for you, take care of yourself, bring in your support network to help with the baby if you need it. Hugs!

I have no advice :( For me, playing it over and over sometimes makes it worse and sometimes it helps me work through it.

I'm an ethnographer and for 10 years tried to improve my abilities to remember conversations, document interactions, piece together stories, find patterns between interactions and events, going over and over things to fill in more details.

My husband finds me pouring over text logs, carefully noting patterns like who said good morning to whom first, who initiated contact after a break first, the frequency of when things were happening... I keep open parallel windows tracking dates and my timeline of my life (on my fb, I love photography so I have a ton of pictures, nearly one for each day) to note days off, what we were doing, where we were wen this was happening.

It's like compulsive to fill in more and more and more. And sometimes I get stuck and it just hurts. Sometimes it helps me heal to work through it and put those pieces there.

April3216 posted 7/2/2014 14:59 PM

Hi Lark- the baby is almost 2 months now, but was 4 weeks when I found everything out. No, no overnights as of yet, but he will have them soon once the divorce is finalized. I am not breastfeeding, so I have no real argument as to why he canít have overnights. His place of residence is with his fiancť, so again, I lose.

WOW! Thatís pretty much what I do too. The OW sent me a gigantic pattern of all the texts exchanged, and he was the initiator of most of the exchanges. And then as you, I note the date, and remember what we were doing that day, and the lame excuse he used that evening to not be with me, but to go to dinner with her. I canít throw any of it out bc itís all evidence so itís like a torture device.

Trying2LoveAgain posted 7/2/2014 15:37 PM

April...SO sorry you are dealing with all of this horror that A's bring into our lives!' I DON'T have a good memory or was never one for remembering details! My H Affair was 25 years ago but I only found out about it, 10 mos. ago. So, ever since I've been trying to remember things and put some sort of timeline on my what "normal" things were going on in our lives then, or what were our boys doing during that time, how did people's ALL just mind boggling and has just about driven me crazy at times! And of course because it's been so long, there ARE things my H has legitimately forgotten (due to time) and has tried hard to remember just to help me heal. (I know this because he has voluntarily told me some things when he did remember them). Do I still think I know it all? No, I don't! But I do keep digging and I do keep asking my H questions. We talk pretty often about it still! Anyway, I have even gone through old pics, and sometimes that has helped me to remember things. I'm not sure yet if this is good or bad! But, I'm one who has to know things...It's what I DON'T know that I can't handle! Just hang in there and know that you WILL survive this and you CAN and WILL be happy again! Sending much peace and prayers your way!

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