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bad night...lonely and feeling scared.

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missingmyhubby posted 7/2/2014 22:01 PM

So, my H is working out of town this week. He works as a roofer and during the summer months it is common for his company to pick up jobs out of town.

Before his A i always trusted him. We would skype and sometimes i'd skype him in the middle of the night because i couldn't sleep and he'd always answer and be laying in his hotel bed, co-workers (all men) sleeping on the floor, other beds, couches etc. (Apparently their boss is too cheap to pay for enough rooms for them all to get their own beds) ...anyway..he never gave me a reason not to feel comfortable and secure and at ease with him being gone. He actually kind of annoyed ME because he would text so much at night that i couldn't even get my housework done...but it was a "happy annoyed" if that makes sense. I'd give anything for that right now.

So back on track...he is out of town, we have been trying to R, but he is terrible at it. He has made some progress and has done things to show he is sorry, but at the same time i don't feel like it's enough. So now here i am, without him all week and i can't help but feeling the pain of when he was gone for "other reasons (the A)" i know thats not why he is gone right now, but i feel the same sense of loneliness and fear that i did back then. Not only do i have to deal with that lonely feeling, but he has barely talked to me at all since he's been gone. A couple texts in the morning, a couple at lunch, a couple after and nothing since 6 p.m. It's almost 10 :-( i'm sure he is probably asleep or resting or maybe having a few drinks at the hotel with the guys, but why is it so hard to send me a quick text? I feel needy. I feel so damn alone and i'm missing him like crazy. Obviously he doesn't feel the same. It really sucks being in this position so soon after the A. I cant help but worry. I want to text him, but i dont want to seem nosy or desperate. So i have done quite well at keeping myself busy. I dont know what to do. I want to talk to him so bad, but i know it's best to let him come to me. I just feel like he might not, and that really sucks.

I feel like crying, i feel like i'm so stupid...i just needed to vent and talk a little. Thanks for all who listened.

MovingUpward posted 7/2/2014 22:24 PM

It is ok. Vent it out. It is normal to want your spouse to call. I hope that he's texted or called to give you some peace.

madnessinmarch posted 7/2/2014 22:29 PM

You are not alone it has been since 1st dday 16 months 2nd a year end of June my bf has been away slot for work and his family I have to tell you l feel the same way about the communication he would text usually a couple of times and if he I did not hear from I would sit and let my mind take over not a good thing esp while drinking,don't be hard on yourself this is not something you created, I tell my bf I would give anything not to feel the way I feel sometimes so needy,afraid,angry unsure.. it is on them

Lyonesse posted 7/2/2014 22:30 PM

MMH,

I am sorry you are feeling lonely! Of course you miss your H, and given the A, it is natural to feel unbalanced and anxious.

It doesn't sound like your H is a grown-up. He should not be leaving you alone, pregnant. Especially so soon after blowing up your M. I know you probably need the money right now, but if he absolutely must take these jobs, does he ever talk to you about how to make you feel secure? He really should be making it a priority to check in with you frequently.Or does he just assume you will always be there for him, whether he puts any effort into your M or not?

Can you say what you are feeling scared about right now?

Sending you a hug!

missingmyhubby posted 7/2/2014 22:41 PM

Just feeling scared that maybe he doesnt feel the same anymore. He normally would text me like crazy before the A. I just feel like breaking down. I am severely afraid of being alone. Not "home alone" but without him and so my mind is racing preparing for bad news even though i have really no reason to assume there is bad news coming. Being pregnant makes it harder. These hormones make me crazy :-(

missingmyhubby posted 7/2/2014 23:41 PM

Uggghhhhhhh! I broke down and sent him a text...it said something like "so glad you had time to talk" he sent a text back and said "i sent you a text but you didnt respond"

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I should have never even said anything and just went to bed. Now not only am i hurt, but i'm racking my brain as to why he had to lie. I am so ready for this pain and worry to be done with. When the hell does it end. When will i be okay?? I cant stand being this weak, naggy, bitchy wife anymore. This is not me! I want it all to stop, i want my effin life back! Not a life without him, not a life where i hurt and have to feel this way! My OLD life, the one where he made the world jealous of ME and after 13 years we still couldnt keep our hands off each other. This is not how life was supposed to go. He ruined my life. I hate to sound like a whiny, selfish bitch right now but i really cant help it. I want what i once had, back...with himc only him. I dont want it any other way.

I swear i am so effin stupid when i am pregnant. These hormones will make a woman bat shit crazy. This man could probably cheat on me for the rest of our lives and i would be stupid enough to love and forgive him!! He means so much to me that i literally cant imagine life without him and wont give up..no matter what. And thats sad, i can even admit how sad that is. I am a fool and i know it. But will i change? Nah, probably not.

Sorry for venting, i am making myself insane tonight. Neeeeddd.sleep. but most likely i wont get that either.

Jrazz posted 7/2/2014 23:52 PM

Don't apologize for venting, love! It's what we're here for.

I'm so sorry for tonight. Sending hugs.

(((mmh)))

Needadrink posted 7/3/2014 00:09 AM

I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a big hug.
You don't deserve what has been dished out, none of us do and I feel your pain, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for you, take care of yourself and that precious child you are carrying.

HurtButHoping12 posted 7/3/2014 00:47 AM

I'm so sorry :( I could feel the pain in your post and couldn't leave without giving you a virtual hug!!

AML04 posted 7/3/2014 06:11 AM

(((MMH)))

I hope today is better for you.

missingmyhubby posted 7/3/2014 09:05 AM

Today has not been better so far. I usually get a good morning text from him, but received nothing. I wont even bother texting him this time though. I woke up with that sinking feeling in my stomach, felt like crying and staying in bed watching Golden Girls all morning. But i am not going to be that pathetic. I got up, put on my big girl panties, wore a smile on my face for my precious kiddos, dropped them off at summer school and headed for work....then i lost it, the stupid radio seemed to be feeding my misery this morning and laughing at me while doing so. And yet i couldn't turn it off.

Work is dragging and I've only been here an hour. I keep picking up my phone, hoping for a text but still nothing. Sucks...really effin sucks. Here i am, damn near 30 years old and i am upset over a text message. Sad, just plain sad. I hate me right now, and most of all i hate him, but still love him too much to give up. Why cant he see how good he has it with me? I hate to toot my own horn, but i am a damn good wife! Not perfect by any means, but the kind of wife you dont throw away. Even his friends would tell him how lucky he is to have a girl with brains, beauty, and kindness. I hate him for making me i to this monster, i dont even know who i am anymore. I wish i could just flip him the bird and watch him cry through my rear view mirror. That will never happen...cuz i am far to weak and too damn nice to be that strong. Instead i'll stay weak and watch my life unravel in front of me and do nothing about it. Thank goodness i can make myself look fine in front of my kids. They have no clue what mommy is going through. I hide it well and i dont ever let them see me sad or laying around drowning in my sorrow. I fall apart behind closed doors, behind a phone screen like this, in my car, wherever nobody can see me being such a fool.

i will get through this day. Always do. Just wanted to pity myself a little more. Somehow it makes me feel better. I am so thankful to have support from you guys, i am too ashamed to let my friends and family know what i'm going through. So again, thanks for being there to all of you who read my novels of venting.

AML04 posted 7/3/2014 16:45 PM

i will get through this day. Always do. Just wanted to pity myself a little more. Somehow it makes me feel better. I am so thankful to have support from you guys, i am too ashamed to let my friends and family know what i'm going through. So again, thanks for being there to all of you who read my novels of venting.

That's what we're here for MMH. Try to remember that his behavior is more about him than it is about you. You could be superwoman, perfect in every way and as long as he doesn't fix his sh*t, he would still do this.

Does he talk to you at all? Give any reason for pulling away?

confused615 posted 7/3/2014 16:56 PM

He needs another job. You can not possibly feel safe with him working like this.

Roofing jobs aren't hard to.come by. He can find another job,that stays local.

Make it a requirement of R.

missingmyhubby posted 7/3/2014 16:56 PM

Yeah he talks a little but when i ask why he texts so little compared to what he used to he always says he is just tired,or is too busy working or doesnt have anything to say. So...idk

confused615 posted 7/3/2014 17:00 PM

Are you still watching him? GPS? Check his phone,emails,Facebook?

It sounds like he is putting n effort into your marriage. He isn't doing anything to R.

Have you read the 180?

Are you sure he's NC?

My husband used to be a roofer. I know why you feel unsafe..and I think you're gut is telling you to pay attention.

painfulpast posted 7/3/2014 17:53 PM

I am severely afraid of being alone. Not "home alone" but without him

Why? Why do you think you're terrified of not being with him?

newlysingle posted 7/3/2014 18:04 PM

I really hope you consider counseling for yourself. You are not a victim! You are going to be a survivor of infidelity. You are allowing this man to decide your worth and them throwing your arms up in there saying "there's nothing I can do about it". He is not respecting you and you know you deserve better. Please find a counselor who can help you find your self worth. You are valuable to many people in your life. Don't let this one jerk decide that your not worth much.

Please open up to at least one friend about this. You need support right now and there is no reason to hide his bad behavior. This was not your fault and he needs to realize that a consequence is not having his secrets kept for him.

missingmyhubby posted 7/3/2014 20:14 PM

So he comes home from working out of town, showers and leaves. I ask where he is going cuz we need cat food. He says "town" and i say "for..?" And he replies with "things". WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FixYou71 posted 7/4/2014 03:43 AM

I need to catch up on your story but it seems you definitely need to have an adult sit down conversation. His behavior is immature and sounds pouty and selfish. I won't ask a bunch of questions since I havent read your story yet.
I will say that this sounds like a situation that requires you to start making some demands/requirements in order for him to have the gift of being able to continue towards R with you.
Listen, people will often treat you the way you allow them to treat you. You get the respect that you demand. You need to put your foot down and do some demanding. He should be wooing you, looking for needs to fill. He should be first in line to be your soft place to fall. Something is really wrong if this soon after being allowed to stay in your marriage after such betrayal, he is behaving the way you describe.
Give yourself that gift. You R and your relationship will be and feel much more authentic if it's done on the right foundation.
Update: just read through all your previous posts.
Time to hit back hard with the 180 along with demands which should absolutely include MC and ic wether he thinks its for people who are to broken to be fixed or not- that's a cop out. He can't keep waffling back and forth. An occasional bad mood is one thing and good people feel guilty if they have taken their bad mood out unreservedly on their spouse. You H seems to think he has some right to behave however, whenever he wants. He actually reminds me a bit of a guy I dated years ago who was (deemed by his Marine Sgt) a sociopath. (Not saying your H is but boy he sure does act entitled and immature. YOU DESERVE BETTER. START DEMANDING IT!!! And dont let him have control over your happiness anymore. Take that back. Make him EARN the gift of being with you in your home with the beautiful children you bore and nurture and are trying to show what a healthy relationship looks like so that they can make good relationship decisions when it's their turn. What would you tell your daughter to do if she was in your shoes? Do that, for you, for her and the rest of your precious ones.
(((Hugs to you and your little blessing)))

[This message edited by FixYou71 at 3:44 AM, July 4th (Friday)]

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