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Whenever I see an ad that shows fallen soldiers, I wish that the XH could have taken one of these people's places when he was deployed. You know, the good husband, the good men. But that would have meant I would have found out when I couldn't have had any why's, but then again I didn't anyway.

I feel the same way. We are both retired military. I think of all the times we faced danger.
A dear friend passed of liver cancer about the same time as he decided to tell me false R was over and he was leaving me for Shrek.
I will never forgive him for not allowing me to give her my full grief first.
Wish it had been him instead of her. She was so good and decent.
I don't wish him dead, but if I could have had him trade places that would be different.
I don't feel guilty, he has been a horrible shit to me for a few years.

Dipshit isn't military, but I understand wondering if it would have been easier if they died. I imagine it's pretty common in our situations, so don't feel bad.

For me, it definitely would have been easier. But for my kids, it's better off that the Dipshit is alive. So I'll put up with his continued existance.