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Newest Member: Thankful (46008)

User Topic: Tell WH I'm changing Ls?
nekorb
♀ 40306
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sent my current L his termination letter. Do I need to notify WH of this so he can tell his attorney? I read somewhere that I I should.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Chrysalis123
♀ 27148
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 5:40 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oops double post

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 5:41 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)]


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2819 | Registered: Jan 2010
Chrysalis123
♀ 27148
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 5:40 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NC

Your business is of no concern to WH.

Let your new attorney handle this.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2819 | Registered: Jan 2010
nekorb
♀ 40306
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 5:45 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let your new attorney handle this.

Don't have one yet.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Compartmented
29410
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let your new attorney handle this.

Don't have one yet.

I still wouldn't tell him. He's the opposing side. Don't give him any info.

Posts: 1352 | Registered: Aug 2010
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did he tell you that he was planning on having an affair? No? Then don't give him the courtesy. When you get a new laywer, that new laywer can do the notifications.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3556 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
ButterflyGirl
♀ 38377
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, when I switched counsel, paperwork was filed through the court and then sent to the ex.. I didn't need his opinion on it, and it certainly wasn't my job to keep him updated about anything.

There is NO reason to contact your WH about your legal maneuvers and strategies.

I asked about your retainer because I had a few hundred bucks left with my first lawyer, but he never sent me a final bill and I never asked for the amount back. I figured that money was spent forwarding emails and information about my case to the new lawyer..

Focus on finding a new lawyer. There's almost never a good reason to contact your ex in a divorce, and this is no exception..

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 7:52 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)]


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2723 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No.

Repeat after me: Fuckthatguy.

When you hire your new L, he/she will take care of it.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4819 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Beyond
♀ 3011
Member # 3011
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BFF's NPDXWH is on his fifth attorney. That's right - FIFTH. Each time he gets a new one, that attorney notifies BFF's attorney.

You are under NO obligation to notify him of anything. Even a common courtesy notification doesn't apply - it's not as though he deserves any courtesy.


XOW.

Posts: 376 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Virginia
Catwoman
♀ 1330
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No.

A new attorney will enter an appearance and that will be forwarded to his attorney who will notify his client.

You simply must consider, with everything you do, that you are opposing parties in a lawsuit. There is no more common courtesy, no more special treatment, nada.

Please, with all your legal doings, tell him nothing. Seriously--what he needs to know will be handled by his attorney.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29734 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
ButterflyGirl
♀ 38377
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just curious, how are you feeling about picking a new lawyer?

I will tell you, my first lawyer left a bad taste in my mouth, and I certainly didn't want to get sucked in with another money-hungry, lazy lawyer. Just how he thinks he gave me $5000 worth of legal representation I don't fucking know..

I was so deadset on what I wanted out of my new lawyer. I wasn't that scared puppy coming in begging for someone to help me figure out what to do with my crazy ex. I KNEW what I wanted, and I didn't stop until I found a lawyer that was going to listen to me and do what *I* told him to.

It really is like hiring a contractor to do some work on your house. If they are lazy, don't show up on time, don't respond to emails, don't do things the way you want them? Well, then they get fired and replaced.

I really hope you have some good luck meeting with the new counselors. I will say that for some things (like alimony), pretty much all the lawyers I consulted with told me the same thing, like it was or was not worth fighting for.. Some things for me were a must have, and some things were a want.

It's hard to strike a balance between a lawyer that will fight for everything you tell him you want and one that helps you make smart legal moves.. Some lawyers really will tell you everything you want to hear and fight every battle you want, whether they think you will win or not. Because either way, they get paid..

You really want a sense of trust that this person is going to help you as best as they can.. And not just frivolously spend your money..

Just warning you to not settle again for someone you aren't on the same page with. Try to describe your situation as best as possible, and see what they say they will do for you.

You are HIRING this person to help you with one of the biggest and hardest things you will ever go through. Put on your bitch boots and act like the head CEO, only hiring the best person for your situation

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 10:49 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)]


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2723 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. Don't tell. Your new lawyer will handle everything. And will you please stop helping your WH already?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10128 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
StillCoping74
♀ 32677
Member # 32677
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I generally just lurk--but have survived the last 3 years by doing so.

I just wanted to say that ButterflyGirl's advice for choosing an attorney is very good! Hopefully it will help Nekorb and others.

[This message edited by StillCoping74 at 10:29 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)]


Posts: 58 | Registered: Jul 2011
Chrysalis123
♀ 27148
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nekorb....your ex is trying to harm you and your kids. He is the enemy and he has already painted you out to be the problem. He is COUNTING on your kindness so he can get what he thinks is best for him.

Do not help him at all. You were fired. Do not let him know you fired your lawyer.....you then expose your underbelly.

Please keep posting here because as you know many of us have walked the path you are on.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2819 | Registered: Jan 2010
nekorb
♀ 40306
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just curious, how are you feeling about picking a new lawyer?

Well, I was anxious this morning almost to the point of nausea.

Then I sat down in potential atty's office and cried for a minute, got it out of my system, and started sharing the tale of Nekorb-CAT Fuckery.

His blood was boiling after seeing the letters from DD's psych/counselor and WH's failure to respond to those in DD's best interest.

I was there for 2.5 hours. We are on the same page. I had intended to at least interview a couple of other attorneys, but don't think it even matters at this point, I would just be going through the motions.

This atty and I are on the same page. He told me I need to file and file right now. He said it's time to throw a punch and get WH's attention.

He doesn't flinch when I drop the the F bomb.

I told him I was concerned because I'm getting ready to go out of town soon and WH needs my signature on some paperwork, that I/my previous atty haven't seen, to complete the sale of his new place. His response: That's his attorney's problem, not yours.

I'm going to sit with it a couple of hours and see if the other attorney that I wanted to talk to even calls me back. I'm hping to make a decision today. Holiday weekend messing things up a little bit.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
ButterflyGirl
♀ 38377
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will say too that my divorce took a year and a half. They are loooong and drawn out when mediation doesn't work and you are facing trial.

I urge you to go to a few other lawyers just to see if you hear the same things. You might hear of other options you want the first lawyer to also do for you.

Just anyone who is available for a free consult, go say hi.

There's no reason you can't take a day or two to make sure you are making the next best move. I agree to sit with it, but what you described is exactly how I felt when I met my second lawyer. He ended up dropping some 4-letter words himself. Well, actually, his favorite word was "asshole."


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2723 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
nekorb
♀ 40306
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sat with it this afternoon and decided that my continuing to interview lawyers was the equivalent of WH agreeing to MC - POINTLESS.

I retained him.

And I'm PISSED OFF already! Old atty called WH's atty to tell her he was no longer representing me!

WTF!!?!


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Catwoman
♀ 1330
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your old attorney did the right thing. The bar in most areas tends to be a place where everyone knows everyone else, so most attorneys do these sorts of courtesies to maintain that working relationship.

It means nothing. Trust me. I was raised by an attorney and my SO of four years is a litigation attorney. They are used to being on opposite sides one day and on the same side the next.

You simply must take the emotion out of it. You have representation. If/when your STBX finds out and starts needling you for an attorney name, simply tell him that his attorney will know when the time is appropriate.

Don't engage. Not even one little bit.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29734 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Schadenfreude
♂ 43075
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you. New Lawyer will notify WH's lawyer and the Court.

I was worried that if you didn't have a lawyer, WH's lawyer would try to sneak something by you with the Court as the dupe.

Why is divorce so expensive? Because its worth it. (Old Joke).

Your issues in D are too serious to be pennywise and pound foolish.
This isn't two 22 year olds arguing over who gets the used furniture and MP3 collection, you know.


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
ButterflyGirl
♀ 38377
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember my ex "making fun of me" when he learned that my old lawyer was no longer representing me. He started emailing me all this stupid shit like about how I was too much of a pain in the ass and what was I gonna do now and now I'm screwed and now he's gonna get everything he wants.

He thought he could push me and my old lawyer around, and honestly he probably did. My first lawyer was a weakling.

But my new lawyer? He took my fucktard ex by the balls and showed him who was boss.


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2723 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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