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Newest Member: Foolfernobody (61825)

User Topic: OW dreams?
♀ 43648
Member # 43648
Default  Posted: 5:42 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I keep having dreams about the OW and my H. Nothing graphic, but I'm either yelling and screaming at her, full of rage, or he is ignoring me and focusing on her while I stand around helplessly. Whenever I wake up from one of these, it feels like Dday all over again. Anyone else out there have these sorts of dreams? I wonder if there is something that I can do to make them stop.

Me: BS 40
Him: WH 42
M 14 years, together 20
DS 8 and DD 6
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 30 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: New York
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 5:51 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do. They've lessened with time but they still really shake me up.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 876 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
♀ 29289
Member # 29289
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I am four years out from D-day. I also had similar dreams as you are describing. On occasion, even after our divorce, I still have the same dream. The dream has faded and is not as frequent, however, I have found that if I focus on all the positive aspects of my day (present or the next upcoming day) right before I go to bed keeps my dreams on the side of the good things I have currently going on for me.

This is difficult as when your sleeping your subconscious likes to trigger you ... Start keeping a journal to vent in during the day and concentrate on the positive before going to sleep ... I hope this helps you!

Posts: 422 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Back Home ... And feeling Great!!
♂ 43618
Member # 43618
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your subconscious is definitely trying to tell you something. Try to figure out what it is really telling you.

A wound can be stitched shut, but it decides when it will heal on its own.

ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)

I do not PM with Women

Posts: 1183 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Midwest
♂ 43192
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am 8 months out and I get them everynight, its terrible. I try and think of he good things just before bed . But I have trouble sleeping. I got some axiety /sleeping pills from the doctor and the past fewdays its been a little better

Posts: 134 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
♀ 38207
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did. I even had one where OW2 was stabbing me repeatedly and H just stood there doing nothing despite me begging for his help. I'm almost two years out now and haven't had one in months. Hugs to you!

Posts: 1595 | Registered: Jan 2013
♂ 42867
Member # 42867
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My biggest issue with dreams has always been waking up and remembering that I am living the nightmare.

I still have dreams about her and OM. Or her and some new OM. Or her and some stranger(s).

The consistent thread in every dream is that she a) desires them more and b) is absolutely indifferent to my pain. For me at least, the dreams are telling me what I fear the most.

No matter how painful, life either adapts or it dies.

BH (Me) 49
WW 48
Married 1985
D-Day Mar 19, 2014
1 year passionate EA/PA, ended by me on d-day.
Attempting to R

Posts: 446 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: PNW
♀ 43864
Member # 43864
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've only had one in the 6 months since DDay that I can recall. In it, OW & adult daughter showed up at our home, and WS let her in (I know the slut, she's ex- wife of WS 1st cousin). I couldn't stand to be in the room, so I stood in the hall while she & her daughter were in the living room talking. In my dream, OW said, "This should all be mine. I don't care anything about WS, I just want his $$. I like to act all clueless and naive, but I know exactly what I am doing.

My thrashing around and mumbling in my sleep woke WS. When he asked me what was wrong, I told him about the dream. It seemed to be the 1st time he had an inkling of her motivation.

We had made the decision to R and be more open with each other, so I tell him when I am triggering, etc. Telling him about the dream was helpful, for me. I guess it depends on each situation, but that has works for us.

Married over 40 yrs
Me: 63 yrs old, always faithful
WS: 66 yrs old, 2 ONS 1978, EA (he says) In 2013

DDays: 12/11/13, 12/18/13, 12/27/13 (he's big on TT)
Also discovered he cheated with 2 women while we were engaged, 40 years after the fact.

Posts: 56 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: SC
♀ 35593
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. Explicit and not. Ones of her trying to take my baby(he's over 25), her trying to take my car, her with my H while I walk in a fog trying to find them, her moving in my house, her telling others about how bad I am, etc. I wake up feeling horrible. One thing I have found out about taking ambien for sleep, I rarely have any memorable dreams. For me, that has been a welcome side effect.

Me 50's
WH 50's
Married 30+ years
2 young adult children
OW single 20 years younger
Together trying to R

Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose

Posts: 3470 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
♀ 42294
Member # 42294
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I strangle the life out of ow in my dreams. Then I go to jail. Just about every dream I have of her is like that....Kind of weird.

Posts: 272 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Where theres lots of southern HOEspitality
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I had dreams of OW from about 8 months to a year. Horrible. But gone.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
♀ 43672
Member # 43672
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Had one last night. She brought a 4 year old OC to meet my H in the dream (impossible since he had a vasectomy 10 years ago), and in the dream he also had a secret personal mailbox and a secret safe deposit box. However, I got the best of them in the dream, as I intercepted her mail to him and took the $4,000 she gave him. It is very disconcerting to have these types of dreams, and I wish I could make them stop.

Me: FBW, 50. Him: SAFWH, 59
3 fantastic kids: DS 18, DS 17, DD 12
DDay 1: 1/8/13, multiple DDays with TT for an entire year.

Working hard at R. No, strike that. I give up. We're heading for D.
If all you wanted was love, why would you use

Posts: 198 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: San Francisco
♂ 43075
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Two dreams of W's infidelity. One with a strange man on a tropical beach and the other with her long time girlfriend at a cottage Both real time, full color, time and space correct. Woke up in cold sweat with my heart pounding only to find I wasn't in the tropics (#1) or vacationing closer to home (#2). I know these reflect underlying insecurities. But unlike most dreams, they looked and sounded entirely real. Very spooky.

Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
♀ 43221
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never not even one...I think God is letting me sleep in peace..because He knows that she is part of my daytime nightmares...but thank God they have subsided...
she needs to become a NOTHING....absolutely NOTHING!!

3 adult children 1D 2S
LTA 2010-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful

" I will not define myself by what went wrong yesterday when I can draw upon Life and Love right now." R.R

Posts: 2530 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
Topic Posts: 14

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