This is probably a rambling thread jack. Sorry if it is
You don't feel bad for telling your friends, right? It really surprises me how long people keep affairs a secret from even their close friends and family. Infidelity is one of the most stressful things you can go though! You need support!
When I found out my ex had taken it underground, buried in the chat section of WordFeud on his phone, I was so out of there. I'm sorry you had to endure that too
As far as bringing him with you, I think friends and family can help you be a good gauge if your spouse is remorseful now or not. Hopefully, the friends/family members can be respectful and offer to talk about it and offer support. And then let you know later if there were any glaringly obvious red flags that maybe you aren't seeing..
My eldest brother, the smart, successful, Christian father, cheated on my SIL during some overseas business trips with a ho-worker. He said he very easily could have left my SIL, that the OW really wanted him to be with her, but he was so dedicated to change and saving his family. He confessed to my SIL, and they told their home group and other friends and got tons of support. Even though I want to tell SIL to watch her back sometimes, I fully support them in the efforts to R.
I just had an unremorseful ex who did not and does not want to change, but I believe every last one of my family members and friends would have forgiven him if he had been remorseful.
If you are giving R a try right now, why not bring him and let your friends test the waters? He needs to be showing people that he's dedicated to you, he has good boundaries now, he's respectful of you and supportive of you when going through an emotional time (like a funeral). I think how he handles himself could be very telling..
Obviously, I'm in the "Yea, you should just be thinking of yourself" camp, but I just wanted to give you push off that huge fence you are sitting on.
If you are hoping for a possibility of R, then I hope he asks to go and is the best, most wonderful husband to you and says how sorry he is to everyone who knows. And that you deserve better. And that he's SOOOOO fucking lucky to not be sitting on a dirty curb somewhere.
But, if you're done with his shit and don't believe he's remorseful right now? Then by all means, leave him home alone and go have a blast