"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

12yearsloyal posted 7/3/2014 09:26 AM

I am struggling. Having the mind movies of WH having sex with his whore of up to 2 years. How do I get past this? How? And can you? I am really struggling with staying in this marriage since we don't have kids. Because of that it would be easier to cut and run. WH has not had sex with me in a few years and it is devastating to know that he has had it with his whore even though he said it was only like 3 times. Oh really? Don't they all minimize the number of times? What do I do? I am so lost with this entire situation.

Tigaress posted 7/3/2014 09:42 AM

Hey! So sorry you're going through this!
What are the reasons against 'cut and run'? If the guy hasn't touched you in years and is cheating, what are his redeeming qualities? Sorry, I might be biased because I'm currently strongly leaning towards divorce myself.
Big hug!!!

Tred posted 7/3/2014 09:44 AM

Don't they all minimize the number of times?

That seems to be the anecdotal experience from a lot of BS's on SI. It was true in my case. They do it to "protect you from more hurt", which translates into "I don't want you to know how bad it really was because then you would leave me".

12yearsloyal posted 7/3/2014 10:10 AM

He was living/working in another country for 2 years even though we saw each other a few weekends a month. His A started shortly after I left that country. Really he didn't wait at all to get going on the whore. Also, before that he was watching porn (I discovered it) and all of the porn was of a different race, the same race as his OW. I can't change my skin color, I am the same color as him but his OW is of another race. So really is he only turned on by this other race now is also what I wonder. Strange he never dated this other race or had any experience with this race before we moved to this country. We are not racist in any way but if he is only turned on by this race there is nothing I can do. Strange situation.

I guess his only redeeming qualities I can think of is he is a hard worker. Otherwise I would really have to think about it for a while to come up with anything since the most important thing to me is loyalty and that obviously was never there.

NeverAgain2013 posted 7/3/2014 13:26 PM

Cheaters lie. They lie, lie, lie and deny, deny, deny. And it's not to protect YOU, it's protect their sorry asses from being booted out of the house.

If they say it happened 1 time, it was more like 100 times. If they say 3 times, it was more like 500 times.

Anything he says, multiply it by at least 200 and that will give you a number closer to the truth.

molly5 posted 7/3/2014 13:35 PM

I think you need to make a pro and con list.
Leave him. Stay with him, pro's and con's.
It kind of sounds like you have made up your mind.
((hugs))

HurtsBad posted 7/3/2014 13:41 PM

If he is a hard worker, then it is reasonable to expect that when (if) he ever pulls his head from his ass and realizes the destruction he has wrought, he will work hard to save the M. Maybe that is something to wait and hope for.

Otherwise, I don't see a reason to hang around.

I hope you are able to attain peace soon.

Hurt14 posted 7/3/2014 15:22 PM

Your story sounds like mine wish I could give you some advice but I have none. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.