Your suspicion could be correct, too, but if he likes positional variety now, I'd suspect he had been watching, or remembering, porn scenes.
If you ask him directly, he'll deny out of pure embarrassment. I know complete truth is important post A, but I don't think most adult men would confess to being secret porn watchers, even though there are many who do. There's a whole thread devoted to the topic here!
"First the fall, and then the recovery from the fall, and both are the mercy of God." —Julian of Norwich
I know it hurts and it is triggery - but if you like what he's doing, then just enjoy it. If you don't like it, then you should let him know. Sexual healing takes a long time. The key is honesty and trust. We are over a year out, and I don't really worry about what he did sexually with AP any more. I never thought I would say that.
I actually think it was from the new honesty and intimacy between us. He started feeling more free to be expressive in the bedroom - less fear that I was going to be creeped out. More invested in being a good lover to me and being vulnerable with his 'likes'. He puts a lot more thought into that now.
This ^^^^^^ is true for us as well. Sex in general was really difficult at times during the first year. But now that the mind movies have pretty much stopped, the new positions and greater intimacy is helping to make R possible.
Working hard at R. No, strike that. I give up. We're heading for D.
If all you wanted was love, why would you use
I feel like open communication is important - these particular topics are extremely difficult for me to talk about with him, and if nothing else the A is making me move beyond my comfort zone to talk with him about it which I think is important because we should've been talking about it a year+ ago. But, I do not know how to ask the question that will not make him feel hurt or embarrassed. I know some of the details, and he knows the details I do know have hit me very hard in our physical relationship. On the other hand, if this is a result of what he's done with her, this is something I want to know.
On the detailed physical questions, I keep trying to weigh whether knowing would help or hurt, and i guess I'm cycling on this one as well
[This message edited by Lark at 1:08 AM, July 4th (Friday)]
It takes time, but your WH should be fully invested in your emotional safety, in and out of the bedroom. Talk to him. ((Lark))
Now that the A is out in the open, the new positions started immediately when we resumed intimacy - and now he's fully present and the intimacy is there. But so are the new positions, which aren't crazy or that weird or anything at all. They just seem completely in line with what would've had to have happened with the APs to make it "work" in his truck.
And it's triggery because I suppose I worry that now that the A is out in the open he's giving me part of himself that he held back and only offered them, worries that he is doing this with me thinking of his times with them, or feels ok to do what he did with them to me now that the A is out in the open and they're in the past.
All of which may be wrong and it could just be that the intimacy is heightened.
That's a good way of wording it and I will try to figure out when to approach the topic. I knew during sex would be a bad time haha
It's okay that this triggers you and it will be good to discuss it with your WH. I hope you can get to a place where you are able to let the triggers go and be fully in the moment but at first it's not easy. Be gentle with yourself.
So I feel better and I'm glad I talked with him about it