Well, it worked.
The title of the email was "I'm here" and the subject said, "Hope your well"
I flipped out and immediately emailed him. He was on the field for work (military) so it took a while for him to respond. In the meantime I had to keep from vomiting and pull myself together so I could take care of my patients. When he did reply he denied any contact with her and sent selfies of him in the field. But the damage is done. I sent an email to her "friend" (who just moved and I believe is her new lesbian "friend") politely explaining the situation and asking her to encourage OW to leave us alone. I also emailed OW and asked her to leave us alone. The next night when I got home from work and WH returned from the field, we sent the letter that we composed 2 years ago. You see, when he initially broke up with her he told her that he was sorry and that he felt obligated to be with me. Left the door wide open. This time he sent the no contact email that said that further contact with be followed with legal action. To which she replied, "ok thanks friend."
The damage is done though. My mind is a mess and my heart is broken. I don't know if I can hang on anymore. We worked so hard for two years and all of that was damaged with this fishing email....
Are you guys still in counseling or doing IC?
It sounds like his response was first to make you feel safe and then work as a team with you to develop a plan of NC against her. That, to me, sounds like this "test" of her has demonstrate how far you guys have come
She went fishing, he did not.
His willingness to send the NC letter and your responses were great. Please concentrate on how far you have come. Don't let her set you back, she is not in your marriage and has no control over it, or the two of you.
Breathe and know you are in the same place as you were before you opened the email...don't give her headspace.
Don't let her win by making you doubt yourself or your husband. I know how it feels when they come out of the woodwork. My husband's exow contacted at two days, five days, three months then nothing till a one year and three months. I felt invaded by her. We chose to ignore her and block her each new way she came up with. She wanted attention and we gave her silence. I still think if she sees him she will try to talk to him but the chances are very slim.
You handled it the best way for you and your husband.Try to concentrate on how well you have been doing and not on her intruding. It is hard, I know. (hugs)
What doesn't kill me, scars me.
But, the other posters are right. The work we have done is good work. We are not back where we began, even though where we are feels awful.
I told JM last night... until I die I will never understand how someone can do this to another human being, one they've never met or someone who was a "friend". How someone can be so selfish to have absolutely no concern for the harm they have caused.
Hugs to you, my friend. You are not alone. We are not alone.
I feel like it took forever for me to recover. I had to put a lot of my own needs on hold six months into R because we found out his mother had stage IV cancer. I held down the fort while he stayed with her an entire summer and while he was stationed elsewhere (until I could find a job in the new location). By the time I could focus on healing, his mom passed, I was starting a new job and then his best friend passed. And now this.
I recently went back to IC because I feel like I am a hot mess. And then I get the email. My scars never had time to heal and I feel like this ripped them wide open.
She went fishing, he did not.
I am 7 years out, and OW fished for many years.
What helped me most was knowing how much she would delight in knownig that I was taking HER fishing attempt out on FWH. Yes, he brought her into our lives, but he cannot control her behavior, and should not be held responsible for it.
I am so sorry this happened, but you and your FWH are doing all the right things.
My Affair: 2015
Status: trying to pick up the pieces.
Please don't name call or vent about the OW in the Reconciliation forum. It's against the forum guidelines.