I learned this morning...I had the truth vomit spewed all over me by both of them...that WH's 2nd A lasted way longer than I thought for almost a year. She was and still is a neighbor. They hid it from me and by BFF who is also a neighbor, her H is the one that was in the middle trying to fix it all. Such a convoluted story. There were secret dinners, burn phones, lots of sex right under my nose. Where was I in all of this...I feel sick!
Now trying to figure out the real truth from both of their stories is hard. WH swears that 6 months ago he tried to break it off. She kept calling the friend in the middle to have WH call her. The friend backs up that story, but she says they talked as recently as 2 Sunday's ago when the last A came out and WH swears he did not talk to her.
I know I can't believe either of them. The friend said that she is out to break us up and will say anything to do that. I don't know what to believe at this point and have made him leave. We do not have the money to pay for a hotel, but he has to go somewhere. He was staying at his parents, but that was causing issues for me too.
This is a nightmare and I need to get out of it. I did talk to WH after we both cooled down a bit and we agreed to separate and work on ourselves. I have issues too that I knew I had, but never sought help for. I need to make myself happy! I told WH the best thing he can do right now is get help and figure out why he hurts the ones he loves. Not saying we will ever R, but I am not even thinking that far down the road right now. Got to piece my life back together.
I guess I need to see an attorney next week.
My gloves are off and I just need to put this to rest and move on. I do worry about my safety as she is still a neighbor and if she wants WH has badly as I think she does she might take it out on me. My MIL sent her a nasty message on FB today (without telling me) and now OW #2 has gone to take out a warrant for threats.
I need off the crazy train...just do not know how to do that.
As far as who to believe, none of them. I'd bet they did talk two weeks ago when they broke it off. Remember, this friend was helping out, knowing the goal was you staying with WH. He will lie to make that happen, as he has before.
I think the best thing to to at this point is cut ALL of them off. Don't respond to any of them. These friends, your "bff" and her H are anything but friends. OW? Dumb slut from down the street. These three are easy to go - very easy. You'll never believe anything they say, so why bother?
As for H, for now, keep the convo to the kids and finances. Until he's ready to bring something besides lies and nightmares, he needs to go too.
A question for you to ponder ... What exactly is it that you need to believe? Will 'the truth' - assuming you can get it - change your mind in some way?
DDay #1 03/07/2011
2 DS 13, 9
2 DD 11, 6
I mean, does it really, REALLY matter if they had sex under your nose 100 times or 200 times? I understand that no one wants to think someone got something 'over' on them and that's how you feel because you want to know each and every time the pulled their dirty little tricks, but it doesn't change the depth of the horrific disrespect he's shown you over and over and over again. This last disgusting display of low-rent behavior - acting like a bunch of hormonal teenagers and giggling their asses off getting away with murder right under your nose, is worthy of divorce ALONE, not even counting all his other affairs.
Honestly Summer, there comes a time when you have to simply fold your cards, throw them on the table, stand up, and walk away.
This is that time.
I did get to confront OW #2 and her BH. More lies and lies and lies. I don't know who to believe. No one kept texts, emails or anything else that I could see with my own eyes to know who is lying. Their stories are totally opposite from WH. She has even drug my DS into this (he is 24). I know it is stupid to quibble over she said/he said, but I have to know who is lying. WH or the OW and her BH. I still have to live here and they are our neighbors. I want to put it to rest in my own mind. Not sure if I can get past it until I do.
I do see my therapist Tuesday. Maybe she can help me sort it out. It was just all lies... I am so defeated, devastated (I know we all are here). I think the thing that hurt me the worst is that I asked him to come clean this past week. He told me a lot but not all of course. Just hurts my soul...not sure if there is really much left of me. I feel like a shell.
[This message edited by doggiediva at 3:44 PM, July 4th (Friday)]
I've been out at the cemetery talking to my Dad. I know that sounds morbid, but he was the only one that truly loved me for me - he picked me! I was adopted. I am just so lost. I have no one to talk to except for my kids - they are older (19 & 24) but should not have to deal with this.
I will call a lawyer Monday and see about a legal separation that will help with the money part. Plus I will get alimony, he makes way more than I do. We have to be separated a year in NC. So that will give us all some time to figure things out and get some very much needed help.
I somehow need to get out of this house and live away from here. With 3 foreclosures on this street doubt we will get what we owe on it. We have about 29k in debt besides the house. I think I medicated myself from my marriage problems by shopping.
Thanks for listening to me. It is nice to have a place to vent. I don't have anyone here to do that with.
I know how you feel about being on a fence and the finances!
Do your best to detach from him and the other drama-mongers in your life!
Sorry this is happening to you!