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How do you get mental images out of your head?
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kap2014 posted 7/4/2014 12:51 PM
Many thanks for the responses to the thread. I would like to delete this but cannot figure out how.
For the record, I have been doing better.
[This message edited by kap2014 at 9:49 PM, July 14th (Monday)]
cvs2kkids posted 7/4/2014 13:02 PM
Sad to say, time.
Time for her to prove she's working on herself and you.
Time for you to go to IC and work on your insecurities.
Time for the 2 of you to make new pictures.
There are others who will chirp in on mental exercises.
My favourite is picturing a TV you turn off and walk away. Keep practicing that, but it takes time as well.
Lark posted 7/4/2014 15:47 PM
Are you guys trying to R? In MC, IC, reading books? Is she putting in work like she's remorseful? rolling her eyes doesn't sound like it isn't she's helping you feel safe or heard.
What has helped me with my husbands' OW is the realization that it wasn't about them. Yes they were more attractive than me, and I'm sure that was some of the draw - but ultimately they were just interchangeable vaginas who were there at the right time, stroking his ego in the right way.
Actual attraction, love, and feelings of intimacy go much deeper and longer lasting than any of that shallow physical stuff.
There are some books in the Healing Library link here, as well as the book thread on the forums, that might help
tfkeel posted 7/4/2014 16:15 PM
How did you guys cope with this type of thing when it happened to you
Not well. Not well at all. My sexual abilities failed for months. I felt like nothing but "plan B", like she only came back because the OM dumped her.
I read your "backstory", too, and replied on that thread. A later poster on the other thread pointed out that you will enter this marriage with "baggage"....
From my point of view, this is damn heavy baggage.
Too heavy, in my opinion. If it were me, I'd be finding someone else.
I tried to work with a counselor on my insecurities. However, bottom line, I was always going to be thought of as "second rate" and that was just too painful to allow me to continue intimacy with her.
[This message edited by tfkeel at 4:20 PM, July 4th (Friday)]