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It's been a long and winding journey

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Very, very tired posted 7/4/2014 13:59 PM

It seems like a few centuries since I've been here. And… well… it has. I only recognize a few names. I lived here in first days, weeks, months and years (I'm a slow-learner) after the D-Days.

I began here as a lost, confused, hurt-beyond-belief, victim-of-life who was going to stick with my WH through sickness and health 'til death doest part. The longer and tighter I held on, the worse it got. He never changed; I did.

So, I let go.

There's more to the story. The basics: multiple OWs, D-days too numerous to count and pain unlike anything I have ever experienced.

I just wanted to let everyone know it gets better in amazing ways you could never imagine. (As a newbie here, I HATED when people would say that.)

My update:
I am officially divorced now -- something I never thought I could say with a giant smile on my face. I'm the girl who married young and married for life, for the white picket fence, for the life in the suburbs, for big holidays and family dinners, for the life I thought I wanted. Divorce has given me so much more than that.

XWH is living with or doing whatever with OW#1. He looks like walking death. Life hasn't been good to him.

Since my first D-Day, which seems like a million years ago, I have completed my Master's degree, traveled over 7,000 miles on road trips with just my kids and me, bought my first car (all by myself!), started earning my own money (I was a SAHM for 15 years with no income of my own when I filed for divorce), traveled internationally, and started dating again.

The pain and hurt still raises its ugly head occasionally. I walk through it. I am still in counseling because this shit doesn't go away overnight. It takes gut-wrenching work. And I really don't want to carry my baggage into new relationships.

Sometimes, I slip back into the "what might have been's" but mostly I have learned to smile and laugh and enjoy the beauty of life.

It gets better, regardless what path your journey takes you.

brokensoul73 posted 7/4/2014 14:03 PM

I'm still in Reconciliation but I have told myself that I would do the same thing you have done. I just completed my Bachelors and have taken road trips as well. I have spent a lot more time with me kids. I hope we can work out but I'm not gonna stop living if we don't'.

Imissmyhusb posted 7/4/2014 15:49 PM

Im glad to hear that it all worked out for you in the long run. I hope to be as lucky. I am still tryg to figure it out. I have a plan

nowiknow23 posted 7/4/2014 18:57 PM

I love it when long time members check in from further down the road. Thank you for shining a light on the path for those who are in the thick of it right now.

Schadenfreude posted 7/4/2014 19:06 PM

You should think about violating the rules and do a double post. Here and in divorced section. Those in e divorce process need to know there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel.

Your story is inspiring.

Good work.

Very, very tired posted 7/4/2014 22:42 PM

Thanks, everyone!

I remember how important it was for me to hear from those who were "further down the road" when I was in the worst of the pain. Sometimes, I didn't want to hear what they said, but it always helped. At times, those wise words still echo through my head when I experience another level of recovery from all D-days… Sort of an "Oooohhhh, that's what the wise SIers were talking about."

My life isn't perfect but is more beautiful than anything I could have imagined when I clung so desperately to a Titanic marriage. A counselor told me I didn't have to go down with the ship. I listened and crawled in the lifeboat.

Believe me when I say I was the very last person who would EVER consider D as an option. I was determined to save my marriage. But, as I learned here, it takes two people to save a marriage.

And just one last little tidbit of hope for those in pain and those considering the next step...

I am now dating a man who on one of our first dates reached across the table and fed me a fig from his fingertips. On a weekend away, I laid in bed in one of those romantic cities in a coastal town as this same man fed me handmade macaroons I had found in a little French bakery. On another date, he stopped in the middle of what he was saying, looked at me and said, "You look really beautiful right now."

Yeah… it gets better… A LOT better.

norabird posted 7/5/2014 09:57 AM

How wonderful--both your road to healing and your sharing it here! Congratulations

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