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July 4th and all holidays

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Guinness23 posted 7/4/2014 18:19 PM

How many of you in the USA are REALLY celebrating a holiday today? Are you celebrating it as you used to or is that off the plate?

I have been divorced 3 years. Found out about the affair 6 years ago. I STILL can't enjoy holidays. I can't get into them. And my family just keeps hounding me. I would rather be working which is what I have been doing.

How about you?

[This message edited by Guinness23 at 6:19 PM, July 4th (Friday)]

karmahappens posted 7/4/2014 18:25 PM

I love holidays but have to spend many of them working.

The affair has the ability to take so much from us. ... we have to fight to take it all back.

I hope you are able to enjoy them again. (((Hugs)))

MovingUpward posted 7/4/2014 18:25 PM

I'm just chilling alone today.

somanyyears posted 7/4/2014 18:25 PM


..infidelity...seems to take all the 'fun' out of life..


I can't get into them

..I know what you mean!!


tesla posted 7/4/2014 18:40 PM

I'm using this evening as my alone time. Usually I don't have a problem celebrating holidays that I enjoy...but sometimes it's just nice to take a little break from festivities. My folks wanted me to come out and visit them this weekend and do some stuff with them today...but I just wasn't feeling it. Luckily, they are very understanding and don't give me too hard of a time.

GotPlayed posted 7/4/2014 20:57 PM

I have my kids this Jul 4th so I took them to a kids' parade this AM and I will take them to see fireworks tonight. We've been mostly at home.

Not a "celebration" per se. No BBQing or anything. But holiday at home with the kids.

If I was alone, I'd probably take it as my "me" time. Then again, I'm only 8 months since DDay. And I am looking forward to taking 3-day-weekends elsewhere in times like this.

Lark posted 7/4/2014 21:47 PM

My husband worked, so it was just ne ans the girls. We bought squirt guns and ran and ran. It was good. I was glad it was just us and I could put all focus to them

RippedSoul posted 7/4/2014 21:52 PM

I love holidays--still! Most of my family have been celebrating all day. My WH and DS14 have been home all day--they're both addicts and, therefore, less social. We'll all be watching fireworks tonight.

Sad in AZ posted 7/4/2014 22:21 PM

I always find a way to celebrate the holidays that I like, even though I'm usually alone. I've camped on the beach in Galveston on Christmas Eve; I've flown to NM to go to an annual family Halloween party; I cooked myself a lobster dinner for Thanksgiving.

This year I'm spending the 4th with great friends at their summer house in the Berkshires.

I will not let infidelity steal my joy.

Ginny posted 7/4/2014 23:07 PM

Today I am with my extended family from all over the country. I am 1000 miles from my WH's AP. I don't have to worry about running into her in the neighborhood. I don't have to see all of the places where they betrayed me for two months. I am just in my hometown where "everybody knows my name". I am known here by my maiden name. At the parade today someone yelled, "there's (first name, last name)!" then came over and gave me a hug.

I feel so much better here. I feel like I can exhale again. It has been a long 8 months trying to heal. I dread driving the 1000 miles back to my house Sunday. I wish I could stay and let him go home alone. I feel like I have my mojo back when I am here.

HurtButHoping12 posted 7/5/2014 00:10 AM

I absolutely cannot stand July 4th, because 3 years ago, it was the day that I first suspected WH was messing around. The official D Day is July 6. Every year I absolutely DREAD the 4th. Every year we end up at some family party where I'm so anxiety-filled, I want to climb the Wallace, but I play the good wife and socialize and laugh and smile until I can finally get WH to leave.

Right now I want to pull the covers over NY head and sleep until Monday night.

Jrazz posted 7/5/2014 00:33 AM

I think I'm really lucky that I'm able to enjoy holidays through DD4's eyes. I get to see them in a new light - which is a really good thing.

A suggestion that really helped me through holidays was to do something completely new or different.

4th of July? Go to the movies.

Christmas? Mexican food and a hike. (Weather permitting)

Sometimes just getting outside of the routine can be a relief because you kinda have to let go of expectations.


Guinness23 posted 7/5/2014 03:43 AM

I will not let infidelity steal my joy.

Well - I never let that truly happen: I watched "Yankee Doodle Dandy" for the first time in YEARS which was a staple when I was growing up

I am a photographer and journalist. Before my foreclosure in Illinois, I was able to cover the festivities in 2012 and 2013 for the town I lived in. Let me tell you how COOL that was!!!! To see the fireworks done by pyrotechnic experts and to capture them on camera was just too cool!!!

Its the partying with family and friends I still can't do and have no interest in yet

1owner posted 7/5/2014 08:33 AM

11 months from dday, I have to force myself to participate in holidays. My heart just isn't in it. I would try to work or do something productive when possible.

I do force myself, but I would rather just go hide sometimes.

Myname posted 7/5/2014 08:42 AM

5.5 years out from D-day and holidays are still a struggle for me. I try to avoid them as much as possible.

I worked a little yesterday and then cleaned the house and cooked all night. I turned up the music loud enough so that I couldn't hear any fireworks and pretended that it was just another day.

tryin2havefaith posted 7/5/2014 14:17 PM

We had a great day together. Since H worked part of the day we bbq'd early then snuggled in bed together after he got home later to watch DC fireworks as we had thunderstorms here after dark.

We are 3 years out and are focused forward. Have a lot to look forward to (see other postings).

It could be easy to let memories of A/OW suck holiday happiness dry...but I know I am in control of what I think about! I WILL NOT give it any unpaid rent space in my head anymore! If it creeps into mind, I stop-sign it. But the more forward focused we are, the less thoughts of the lowlife skank come crawling out of the dark hole I put it in. Meditation/hypnosis/yoga have been key in gaining my life back.

Want2help posted 7/5/2014 17:44 PM

I've never been a huge fan of this holiday, but for reasons that have nothing to do with infidelity.

Then the affair happened over the summer of 2007. Independence Day was the only holiday they spent together, and it was and is OW's favorite holiday. She even ended up marrying her next AP on the day so she could have a red/white/blue wedding.

Now I'm even less of a fan of the holiday.

That being said, we spent the day doing things WE like as a family. We camped out in the wilderness, fished, and picked wild berries.

Miles away from drunk rednecks, fireworks, and any thoughts of OW.

[This message edited by Want2help at 5:44 PM, July 5th (Saturday)]

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