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Missing DS on 4th of July...

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Phoenix1 posted 7/4/2014 19:52 PM

He would have been home, out of the military...

Instead I have Ex that is being, shall we say, difficult, the military is being difficult, both DDs are being difficult, and I have a mountain of DS's personal affects sitting in my family room that Ex and I are at odds with what to do with it. He is into turning everything into a shrine, and I am the polar opposite.

His passing has resulted in monumental emotional turmoil all around with everyone trying to cope in their own way. Unfortunately, I am caught in the middle. I want to tell everyone to go to hell. I am tired of being in the middle. I am exhausted from working multiple jobs, but still being the glue to hold everything together for DDs. I am tired of endless interactions with Ex regarding DS issues that never seem to end, but I can't pull back as Ex will act in ways contrary to my wishes.

I am just missing DS dreadfully today, and I don't have bro to lean on either. What a vicious circle. Just incredibly sad today.

simplydevastated posted 7/4/2014 19:58 PM

I'm so sorry you're hurting

Sending strength and (((Hugs)))

metamorphisis posted 7/4/2014 20:23 PM

There's no other way to say it. That is just heartbreaking and it sucks.
You can't be everyones glue Phoenix. Tell them all to pound sand for a bit. You are his mom, and you are hurting. You need a break.

ArkLaMiss posted 7/4/2014 20:39 PM

Very sorry you're hurting. I also agree that YOU need to take care of you right now. Hugs. You've been a rock. How about you take some time for yourself just for a bit?

gypsybird87 posted 7/4/2014 20:49 PM

(((phoenix)))

So sorry you're hurting extra today. It must seem never ending to you.

I hope things... I don't know... "get better" doesn't sound right... but I hope they start to sort themselves out and your burden begins to ease.

Still thinking of you daily, and amazed as ever by your courage, strength and grace. That said, it's okay to be tired, and it's okay to tell everyone you need a break from being in the middle. Take care of yourself. Please.

(((((phoenix)))))

yewtree posted 7/4/2014 20:50 PM

(((Phoenix)))) I wish I could give you a real life hug and just let you cry till you are done.

nowiknow23 posted 7/4/2014 20:51 PM

(((((Phoenix)))))

jrc1963 posted 7/4/2014 21:19 PM

(((Phoenix)))

Do you have anyone who can step in as an intermediary between you and ex and execute your wishes so you can step back a bit and give yourself some time to grieve?

Also, if I remember, your DD's are grown or mostly grown... Can you let them just handle their own business for a while?

You need to take care of you right now, you've suffered a lot of loss recently... Not just your precious DS, but also your Brother and SIL and some extended family too.

authenticnow posted 7/4/2014 21:35 PM

I'm sorry for your pain, Phoenix.

Phoenix1 posted 7/4/2014 21:39 PM

Do you have anyone who can step in as an intermediary between you and ex and execute your wishes so you can step back a bit and give yourself some time to grieve?

Unfortunately, no.

Also, if I remember, your DD's are grown or mostly grown... Can you let them just handle their own business for a while?

It is hard when I get texts like I did last night from DD22 that say: "I miss DS mom. I can't stop crying. I want my best friend back." I am still her mom too, and I can't NOT be there for her when she is hurting. That broke my heart for her.

persevere posted 7/4/2014 22:14 PM

Oh Phoenix, I'm so sorry. I have a 22 yr old DD, and I'm a constant source of support for her, it's just part of our mom/daughter relationship. But I can't imagine handling your own grieving and being responsible for her support at the same time - you need some leeway, and you need time to grieve for you. ((Phoenix))

I'm so sorry for all that you've been through, I have a DS20, and I can't imagine how I would deal with losing him. I know I would if I had to, but losing a child is just one of those things that we never expect to have to deal with in our lives.

Thinking of you and sending you love and support. I wish I could help in some "real" way. I'm so sorry.

hexed posted 7/4/2014 22:53 PM

(((phoenix)))

no advice just hugs. you're in an awful position. you're supporting everyone else's emotional needs, who has yours? Try and find some time or someone to take care of you so you can keep doing so much for everyone else

Phoenix1 posted 7/4/2014 23:05 PM

you're supporting everyone else's emotional needs, who has yours?

Solo act...

Try and find some time

Ya know, I did just that earlier today. Went hiking in the mountains as it was something DS and I liked to do together. Stood on a ridge, staring into the vastness, and thought/cried about DS. Unfortunately, coming down I lost my footing and took a slide, jamming my shoulder into a rock. If there is no improvement, will get x-rayed next week. Hurts like hell. That was my first ever hiking incident, but it just added to the suckiness of the day. Can't win, it would seem.

TooAloof posted 7/4/2014 23:07 PM

Hey Phoenix, just thinking about you, and all you went through. So sorry, Big Hugs to you.
Wish I had more to offer
TA

knightsbff posted 7/5/2014 00:55 AM

((((Phoenix))))
Ice sweetie! And gentle range of motion for the shoulder.

So so sorry.

Compartmented posted 7/5/2014 07:34 AM

{{{ Phoenix }}}

One step at a time! Wishing you and the whole Phoenix family peacefulness soon.

cmego posted 7/5/2014 08:12 AM

((((Phoenix))))

painpaingoaway posted 7/5/2014 08:20 AM

I was just wondering about you Phoenix. Unbelievable what all you have been thru. I don't have any answers, but I will say I certainly understand the feeling of having to hold it all together for everyone else while trying to hold yourself together. And I have a brother that I also lean on for support, and I just can not imagine what it would feel like if he were gone too.

Continued prayers for your strength and healing.

sisoon posted 7/5/2014 09:04 AM

(((Phoenix1)))

jo2love posted 7/5/2014 09:42 AM

(((Phoenix)))

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