"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Why?? posted 7/4/2014 19:53 PM

So I've been at my job 1.5 years, get along well w my main boss. Anyway, he invites others in the office to social things but never includes me. I accepted that maybe since I was admin. and single that was why. This week he invited a new girl who has only been there ONE month who is young and single. I had figured he mainly invited couples more his age. Really makes me feel hurt and not worthy of being included...

How would you take this?

jrc1963 posted 7/4/2014 21:13 PM

Yes... I would feel slighted.

However I have no advice for you tho... But just reading it made me feel that ick, left out feeling, in my gut.

GabyBaby posted 7/4/2014 21:21 PM

I would too.

MovingUpward posted 7/4/2014 21:26 PM

I'd feel slighted too

Williesmom posted 7/4/2014 21:34 PM

Definitely slighted.

Amazonia posted 7/4/2014 22:29 PM

Do you two get along professionally? Being social with coworkers is tough.

GabyBaby posted 7/4/2014 22:59 PM

Do you socialize with other coworkers or do you have a "work life/personal life stay apart" vibe?

I know that I, personally, only let a very select few from my work life into my personal life.
Do you think that may be the vibe your boss might be picking up?

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 11:01 PM, July 4th (Friday)]

persevere posted 7/4/2014 22:59 PM

Being social with coworkers is tough.

THIS is so true. I have a great relationship at work with pretty much all of my coworkers, but we don't socialize much outside of the office, and honestly, I'm more comfortable with that.

However, I'm sure the slight does hurt. My only advice is keep doing the best job you can and focus on that, nothing else.

fireproof posted 7/5/2014 06:33 AM

There are most likely multitude of possible reasons - possibly she is in a different position and depending on her interview he feels this is a good networking opportunity etc. You don't really know.

Focus on your work and to be honest it is nice to be included but depending on your work and life balance it is also nice to not have to attend all the events.

Keep doing what you are doing and my guess is an invitation might be extended to you soon or you will be recognized for your work because you continue to be diligent which is far better!

[This message edited by fireproof at 6:35 AM, July 5th (Saturday)]

Why?? posted 7/5/2014 06:57 AM

Thanks guys. We get along very well.

My last job was very social and I miss that. I am friendly and have never given off the vibe to not be included.

I keep in touch with my former co-workers including my old boss.

Trying not to let this affect my work.

fireproof posted 7/5/2014 10:18 AM

I know it may not seem it but this is a learning opportunity.

Work is work - I understand the need for being included into a group but ask where people are going to lunch or maybe see if someone you like wants to grab a bite. Keep it professional.

I don't remember your age but the office can be a difficult place to have true relationships. I have had them but it is a fine line due to the professional atmosphere. On the flip side it is one place where you can get away in your work. If people know your business that could take away from your work.

If you want to make some friends invite people to grab a bite but work is really work.

Let this go or get busy establishing outside interests because not sure what the coworker is attending but it might be more of an obligation for all you know. If you want to attend possibly investigate what areas of growth there are for you in the company. I have seen people who work diligently move from an Admin to a managers position eventually. Good luck- you might be the one inviting people to the parties and don't forget if it makes business sense or not invite the admins.

Why?? posted 7/7/2014 17:36 PM

Thanks for all the great feedback.
Trying to let it go but still irritated. This person doesn't directly work in our dept. but sits by us. She is really laying it on thick w boss. Hope an EA isn't on the way (I know jaded right?).

Onward and upward...no need to focus on them.

yewtree posted 7/7/2014 18:32 PM

Have you thought of talking to your boss about it? Or perhaps to your HR person to find out if there are special circumstances to her invitation?
If you can approach it without emotion, maybe they will be surprised that they didn't think to invite you and remember next time.

Amazonia posted 7/7/2014 19:43 PM

Is it possible he feels uncomfortable because he supervises you? Or that it's the Admin thing except she's coming off a little too available so he made an exception?

Why?? posted 7/7/2014 20:27 PM

It's a non-work event so can't really go to HR.

It could be that he supervises me...I don't know...

I think she wants him for a reference or something. She isn't permanent. Something seems off.

Wish my BS radar wasn't still there...oh, well. Just need to focus on me and my work. Tune them out I guess

yewtree posted 7/7/2014 21:00 PM

To be honest I'd rather not hang with my coworkers. I ne'er stand that you are hurt... But I'd rather not mix my business and professional life.

positively4thst posted 7/8/2014 19:17 PM

You can consider yourself lucky!!

"This person doesn't directly work in our dept. but sits by us. She is really laying it on thick w boss. Hope an EA isn't on the way (I know jaded right?)."

Not jaded, smart and intuitive!! My sense is that you sent a professional vibe, as you should. Keep it that way and socialize with people you don't work with. Keep a low profile and you will be happy you did. It "is" you, you are not invited because you present yourself with respect. This is one of those times you want to be ignored, trust me!!

Why?? posted 7/10/2014 17:33 PM

Omg...help. Trying to ignore but today was awful. She went into his office w a bag of goodies. I sit right outside so there is no avoiding. Laughing and flirting and talking abt the upcoming event

I would bet a large sum that his wife isn't invited.

I can't believe I have to witness this crap...yuck...

So frustrated

SI Staff posted 7/10/2014 17:48 PM

Reminder that Off Topic is an infidelity-free zone.

Thank you.

Why?? posted 7/10/2014 18:05 PM

Sorry. Could you please move to appropriate forum?

Thanks