Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: Ganon27

Off Topic :
Would you feel slighted?

This Topic is Archived
default

 Why?? (original poster member #18132) posted at 1:53 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

So I've been at my job 1.5 years, get along well w my main boss. Anyway, he invites others in the office to social things but never includes me. I accepted that maybe since I was admin. and single that was why. This week he invited a new girl who has only been there ONE month who is young and single. I had figured he mainly invited couples more his age. Really makes me feel hurt and not worthy of being included...

How would you take this?

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
"If you want something in this life, reach out and grab it."

posts: 2685   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2008
id 6860874
default

jrc1963 ( member #26531) posted at 3:13 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Yes... I would feel slighted.

However I have no advice for you tho... But just reading it made me feel that ick, left out feeling, in my gut.

Me: BSO - 56 Him: FWSO - 79 DS - 23 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

posts: 26375   ·   registered: Dec. 14th, 2009   ·   location: Michigan
id 6860976
default

GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 3:21 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

I would too.

Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)

WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).

I edit often for clarity/typos.

posts: 10094   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2009   ·   location: Here and There
id 6860987
default

MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 3:26 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

I'd feel slighted too

posts: 54450   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2007
id 6861000
default

Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 3:34 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Definitely slighted.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

posts: 9299   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Western PA
id 6861010
default

Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 4:29 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Do you two get along professionally? Being social with coworkers is tough.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

posts: 14469   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2011
id 6861068
default

GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 4:59 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Do you socialize with other coworkers or do you have a "work life/personal life stay apart" vibe?

I know that I, personally, only let a very select few from my work life into my personal life.

Do you think that may be the vibe your boss might be picking up?

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 11:01 PM, July 4th (Friday)]

Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)

WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).

I edit often for clarity/typos.

posts: 10094   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2009   ·   location: Here and There
id 6861086
default

persevere ( member #31468) posted at 4:59 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Being social with coworkers is tough.

THIS is so true. I have a great relationship at work with pretty much all of my coworkers, but we don't socialize much outside of the office, and honestly, I'm more comfortable with that.

However, I'm sure the slight does hurt. My only advice is keep doing the best job you can and focus on that, nothing else.

DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.

posts: 5329   ·   registered: Mar. 9th, 2011
id 6861087
default

fireproof ( member #36126) posted at 12:33 PM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

There are most likely multitude of possible reasons - possibly she is in a different position and depending on her interview he feels this is a good networking opportunity etc. You don't really know.

Focus on your work and to be honest it is nice to be included but depending on your work and life balance it is also nice to not have to attend all the events.

Keep doing what you are doing and my guess is an invitation might be extended to you soon or you will be recognized for your work because you continue to be diligent which is far better!

[This message edited by fireproof at 6:35 AM, July 5th (Saturday)]

posts: 1563   ·   registered: Jul. 14th, 2012
id 6861222
default

 Why?? (original poster member #18132) posted at 12:57 PM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Thanks guys. We get along very well.

My last job was very social and I miss that. I am friendly and have never given off the vibe to not be included.

I keep in touch with my former co-workers including my old boss.

Trying not to let this affect my work.

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
"If you want something in this life, reach out and grab it."

posts: 2685   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2008
id 6861233
default

fireproof ( member #36126) posted at 4:18 PM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

I know it may not seem it but this is a learning opportunity.

Work is work - I understand the need for being included into a group but ask where people are going to lunch or maybe see if someone you like wants to grab a bite. Keep it professional.

I don't remember your age but the office can be a difficult place to have true relationships. I have had them but it is a fine line due to the professional atmosphere. On the flip side it is one place where you can get away in your work. If people know your business that could take away from your work.

If you want to make some friends invite people to grab a bite but work is really work.

Let this go or get busy establishing outside interests because not sure what the coworker is attending but it might be more of an obligation for all you know. If you want to attend possibly investigate what areas of growth there are for you in the company. I have seen people who work diligently move from an Admin to a managers position eventually. Good luck- you might be the one inviting people to the parties and don't forget if it makes business sense or not invite the admins.

posts: 1563   ·   registered: Jul. 14th, 2012
id 6861389
shocked1

 Why?? (original poster member #18132) posted at 11:36 PM on Monday, July 7th, 2014

Thanks for all the great feedback.

Trying to let it go but still irritated. This person doesn't directly work in our dept. but sits by us. She is really laying it on thick w boss. Hope an EA isn't on the way (I know jaded right?).

Onward and upward...no need to focus on them.

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
"If you want something in this life, reach out and grab it."

posts: 2685   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2008
id 6863746
default

yewtree ( member #16671) posted at 12:32 AM on Tuesday, July 8th, 2014

Have you thought of talking to your boss about it? Or perhaps to your HR person to find out if there are special circumstances to her invitation?

If you can approach it without emotion, maybe they will be surprised that they didn't think to invite you and remember next time.

Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 - No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.

posts: 4940   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2007
id 6863828
default

Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 1:43 AM on Tuesday, July 8th, 2014

Is it possible he feels uncomfortable because he supervises you? Or that it's the Admin thing except she's coming off a little too available so he made an exception?

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

posts: 14469   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2011
id 6863896
default

 Why?? (original poster member #18132) posted at 2:27 AM on Tuesday, July 8th, 2014

It's a non-work event so can't really go to HR.

It could be that he supervises me...I don't know...

I think she wants him for a reference or something. She isn't permanent. Something seems off.

Wish my BS radar wasn't still there...oh, well. Just need to focus on me and my work. Tune them out I guess

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
"If you want something in this life, reach out and grab it."

posts: 2685   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2008
id 6863938
default

yewtree ( member #16671) posted at 3:00 AM on Tuesday, July 8th, 2014

To be honest I'd rather not hang with my coworkers. I ne'er stand that you are hurt... But I'd rather not mix my business and professional life.

Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 - No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.

posts: 4940   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2007
id 6863971
default

positively4thst ( member #23998) posted at 1:17 AM on Wednesday, July 9th, 2014

You can consider yourself lucky!!

"This person doesn't directly work in our dept. but sits by us. She is really laying it on thick w boss. Hope an EA isn't on the way (I know jaded right?)."

Not jaded, smart and intuitive!! My sense is that you sent a professional vibe, as you should. Keep it that way and socialize with people you don't work with. Keep a low profile and you will be happy you did. It "is" you, you are not invited because you present yourself with respect. This is one of those times you want to be ignored, trust me!!

posts: 1310   ·   registered: May. 14th, 2009
id 6865280
default

 Why?? (original poster member #18132) posted at 11:33 PM on Thursday, July 10th, 2014

Omg...help. Trying to ignore but today was awful. She went into his office w a bag of goodies. I sit right outside so there is no avoiding. Laughing and flirting and talking abt the upcoming event

I would bet a large sum that his wife isn't invited.

I can't believe I have to witness this crap...yuck...

So frustrated

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
"If you want something in this life, reach out and grab it."

posts: 2685   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2008
id 6867852
flag

SI Staff ( Moderator #10) posted at 11:48 PM on Thursday, July 10th, 2014

Reminder that Off Topic is an infidelity-free zone.

Thank you.

posts: 10034   ·   registered: May. 30th, 2002
id 6867869
default

 Why?? (original poster member #18132) posted at 12:05 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

Sorry. Could you please move to appropriate forum?

Thanks

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
"If you want something in this life, reach out and grab it."

posts: 2685   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2008
id 6867900
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy