"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Tigaress posted 7/4/2014 20:23 PM

What a sad 4th of July evening. Cheating husband is still giving me the silent treatment and I'm sitting at home trying to study for an upcoming exam but am having a hard time focusing. What's going around in my head is what my therapist said last time I saw him. I showed him some of the text messages between me and my husband and he seemed to side a bit with my husband. One of his statements was 'but if he only kissed her and didn't sleep with her then he didn't really cheat'. Seriously? And then he slapped me around (verbally) about my vicious text messages. The ones I sent after my husband had sent me about 100 messages blaming me for everything. I kind of know that I'm not the bad guy here but there's still some doubt coming up, particularly after such statements from my therapist ...

painfulpast posted 7/4/2014 20:26 PM

One of his statements was 'but if he only kissed her and didn't sleep with her then he didn't really cheat'.

One answer - NEW THERAPIST - NOW!!!

So, I guess EAs aren't even cheating at all - what's the big deal?

New therapist, Immediately. Ask for your money back from this one, or cancel the check.

Unfuckingreal.

Badhurt posted 7/4/2014 20:29 PM

Tigresses

Change therapist. Some of these people are so out of touch with reality that they look at everything in theoretical terms. And therapy is NOT a quantitative art. It is totally subjective and if you tell the exact same story to ten of them, you will get all different opinions
The ones that get me are the idiots that will tell someone that just caught their spouse cheating to put it aside and concentrate on why.
If you are not comfortable with the view of things you are getting get a new MC. If you feel attacked that is not something you should be paying for

Schadenfreude posted 7/4/2014 20:30 PM

Does the therapist have a big broom in the office for rugsweeping?

craig2001 posted 7/4/2014 20:30 PM

'but if he only kissed her and didn't sleep with her then he didn't really cheat'.

Ask him if it is okay with him if his wife goes out kissing other men?

See what he says to that.

Jrazz posted 7/4/2014 20:34 PM

Our first MC told me on the SECOND appointment that "He apologized, he said he won't do it again. You need to get over this."

Annnnd FIRED.

You need a new therapist asap.

(((Tigaress)))

Tearsoflove posted 7/4/2014 20:37 PM

This topic should read "My ex-therapist sided with my cheating husband."

devasted30 posted 7/4/2014 20:42 PM

New therapist. End of story!!!

Tigaress posted 7/4/2014 20:45 PM

Craig 2001 - I asked him exactly that and he said that it would be much worse if his wife 'fucked somebody' than if she kissed him .... I asked him if he had ever cheated but he refused to answer my question.

yearsofpain25 posted 7/4/2014 20:45 PM

I fired my therapist 3 weeks ago. Not all of them are good.

Don't doubt yourself for one second.

Schadenfreude posted 7/4/2014 20:52 PM

Did therapist cheat? Exactly what I was thinking.

Get rid of him.

shiloe posted 7/4/2014 20:59 PM

Did therapist cheat?

IME, on cheaters stick up for other cheaters.

So I guess you get to go out and make out with whoever you want.

OakStreet posted 7/4/2014 21:11 PM

Yep, new therapist and tell him WE all said so!

They (therapists) are NOT all good. We quit our first MC because she couldn't stop talking about herself!

Good luck, Tigaress!

12yearsloyal posted 7/4/2014 22:41 PM

FIRE HIM!!!!

lostcovenants posted 7/4/2014 22:56 PM

Please, what loser! Does he work in a clinic with other counselors? Fire him by email and copy his bosses. Consider reporting him to whatever agency licensed him in your state. And yes! Demand a refund! (Wish you could cc his wife! I wonder what number he is on?)

My husband's IC recommended he leave me and told him not to tell me the truth about his cheating, that I would never get enough information, so give me none. Yea, lying is always the best policy. I have NEVER hated anyone in my life, until I found that out. He continued to see her for months after that. And defends her when I bring her up. Well, he defends his AP too, me? Not so much.

HeBrokeVows posted 7/5/2014 00:24 AM

I honestly can't believe what some therapists say. We come into their office so vulnerable that they can take out emotions and direct them any way they want. If your gut isn't comfortable with a therapist, switch. You shouldn't walk away feeling the way you have. Especially one with a ridiculous view of kissing isn't cheating. Unreal. Seriously, I wonder how some of these people have licenses. And to the person who mentioned their therapist told them to get over it, unreal!!

sohowamI posted 7/5/2014 06:21 AM

A therapist we (as a couple) saw many years ago when we had been having communication problems was fully cognizant of my WS having had numerous affairs - one of ten years - and my WS requesting that she NOT tell me, then didn't! She kept this information to herself and she was supposed to be a marriage counsellor! This actually meant that she enabled him to lie and cheat. It was as if THEY became a couple themselves because she was drawn into the drama of his life.

I only found out about this after having found out about it all two years ago. If I had known then... What a disgrace she is.

Definitely fire yours and find yourself someone who understands what infidelity really means.

painpaingoaway posted 7/5/2014 06:46 AM

Nothing like compounding the pain of betrayal with a worthless shitty therapist. I'm so sorry.

We had a terrible first MC too. He told H that it was not necessary for me to know who the OP was, (along with a plethora of other crappy advice). I told him off, told him to forget sending me a bill because I would not pay for his crappy services, and slammed the door on my way out! (H was mortified, lol).

Never did get a bill either.

Chrysalis123 posted 7/5/2014 06:51 AM

Nothing like compounding the pain of betrayal with a worthless shitty therapist. I'm so sorry.

Ouch....I bet that hurt. Change counselors.

I had a similar experience except in my case the therapist told me

You are a man hating lesbian

.
This was after seeing FT for several private sessions. All I remember about that is the gut wrenching sick feeling of betrayal by a therapist.

It was several years later that I learned about men with personality disorders....

painpaingoaway posted 7/5/2014 06:59 AM

I had a similar experience except in my case the therapist told me:
You are a man hating lesbian

OMG, O.M.G! Seriously??? I hope you reported him to whomever the powers that be are.