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Just Found Out :
My therapist sided with my cheating husband

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 Tigaress (original poster member #43954) posted at 2:23 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

What a sad 4th of July evening. Cheating husband is still giving me the silent treatment and I'm sitting at home trying to study for an upcoming exam but am having a hard time focusing. What's going around in my head is what my therapist said last time I saw him. I showed him some of the text messages between me and my husband and he seemed to side a bit with my husband. One of his statements was 'but if he only kissed her and didn't sleep with her then he didn't really cheat'. Seriously? And then he slapped me around (verbally) about my vicious text messages. The ones I sent after my husband had sent me about 100 messages blaming me for everything. I kind of know that I'm not the bad guy here but there's still some doubt coming up, particularly after such statements from my therapist ...

posts: 508   ·   registered: Jul. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: New York
id 6860906
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painfulpast ( member #41038) posted at 2:26 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

One of his statements was 'but if he only kissed her and didn't sleep with her then he didn't really cheat'.

One answer - NEW THERAPIST - NOW!!!

So, I guess EAs aren't even cheating at all - what's the big deal?

New therapist, Immediately. Ask for your money back from this one, or cancel the check.

Unfuckingreal.

DDay - 12/2010
Fully R'd - I love my husband

posts: 2249   ·   registered: Oct. 19th, 2013   ·   location: East Coast
id 6860912
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Badhurt ( member #41947) posted at 2:29 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Tigresses

Change therapist. Some of these people are so out of touch with reality that they look at everything in theoretical terms. And therapy is NOT a quantitative art. It is totally subjective and if you tell the exact same story to ten of them, you will get all different opinions

The ones that get me are the idiots that will tell someone that just caught their spouse cheating to put it aside and concentrate on why.

If you are not comfortable with the view of things you are getting get a new MC. If you feel attacked that is not something you should be paying for

posts: 1097   ·   registered: Jan. 6th, 2014   ·   location: Eastern USA
id 6860917
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Schadenfreude ( member #43075) posted at 2:30 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Does the therapist have a big broom in the office for rugsweeping?

posts: 892   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2014   ·   location: Midwest
id 6860919
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craig2001 ( member #55) posted at 2:30 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

'but if he only kissed her and didn't sleep with her then he didn't really cheat'.

Ask him if it is okay with him if his wife goes out kissing other men?

See what he says to that.

posts: 7391   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2002   ·   location: USA
id 6860921
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Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 2:34 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Our first MC told me on the SECOND appointment that "He apologized, he said he won't do it again. You need to get over this."

Annnnd FIRED.

You need a new therapist asap.

(((Tigaress)))

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6860926
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Tearsoflove ( member #8271) posted at 2:37 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

This topic should read "My ex-therapist sided with my cheating husband."

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson

posts: 6078   ·   registered: Sep. 20th, 2005   ·   location: Southeast
id 6860930
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devasted30 ( member #39439) posted at 2:42 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

New therapist. End of story!!!

And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

posts: 1944   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2013   ·   location: Ontario, Canada
id 6860936
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 Tigaress (original poster member #43954) posted at 2:45 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Craig 2001 - I asked him exactly that and he said that it would be much worse if his wife 'fucked somebody' than if she kissed him .... I asked him if he had ever cheated but he refused to answer my question.

posts: 508   ·   registered: Jul. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: New York
id 6860942
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yearsofpain25 ( member #42012) posted at 2:45 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

I fired my therapist 3 weeks ago. Not all of them are good.

Don't doubt yourself for one second.

"I remind myself of this. I am a survivor. I have taken all this world has dished out and am still here. So there is no reason to be afraid. Whatever happens, I will survive. So now onto living. It is time for me to thrive." - DrJekyll

posts: 4519   ·   registered: Jan. 11th, 2014   ·   location: Northeast US
id 6860943
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Schadenfreude ( member #43075) posted at 2:52 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Did therapist cheat? Exactly what I was thinking.

Get rid of him.

posts: 892   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2014   ·   location: Midwest
id 6860951
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shiloe ( member #1224) posted at 2:59 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Did therapist cheat?

IME, on cheaters stick up for other cheaters.

So I guess you get to go out and make out with whoever you want.

But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 58 Dday 03/2011
Cheater -58 Married 26 yrs
DD - 23 DD -21 DS-19
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA- new MCOW D-2/17

posts: 1729   ·   registered: Mar. 7th, 2003
id 6860957
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OakStreet ( member #41193) posted at 3:11 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Yep, new therapist and tell him WE all said so!

They (therapists) are NOT all good. We quit our first MC because she couldn't stop talking about herself!

Good luck, Tigaress!

Me: 60, WH 67
Married: 23 years
DS 21, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
Divorced Jan. 2016

posts: 961   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2013
id 6860971
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12yearsloyal ( member #43064) posted at 4:41 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

FIRE HIM!!!!

Him: WS, 51 EA/PA 2.5 years
D Day 3/10/14 N/C broke (phone/email) 6/14-10/14
Me: BS 52
OW: Banana Republic whore
Status: Fence sitting or D Praying for answers
Betrayal: so painful it should be a crime - 12 months in prison.

posts: 285   ·   registered: Apr. 10th, 2014   ·   location: State of Distrust
id 6861076
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lostcovenants ( member #40637) posted at 4:56 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Please, what loser! Does he work in a clinic with other counselors? Fire him by email and copy his bosses. Consider reporting him to whatever agency licensed him in your state. And yes! Demand a refund! (Wish you could cc his wife! I wonder what number he is on?)

My husband's IC recommended he leave me and told him not to tell me the truth about his cheating, that I would never get enough information, so give me none. Yea, lying is always the best policy. I have NEVER hated anyone in my life, until I found that out. He continued to see her for months after that. And defends her when I bring her up. Well, he defends his AP too, me? Not so much.

DDs, 1977 (prostitutes), 7/8/13 (LTA MOW), 11/14 (CL), 9/1/15 (PA).
Porn, 2DUIs, blame-shifting. I told both families & adult kids. I was suicidal and cutting.
I moved out for 2 years, he asked me to come home 10/16. R w exit plan.
STD discovered

posts: 265   ·   registered: Sep. 11th, 2013   ·   location: USA
id 6861085
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HeBrokeVows ( member #43252) posted at 6:24 AM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

I honestly can't believe what some therapists say. We come into their office so vulnerable that they can take out emotions and direct them any way they want. If your gut isn't comfortable with a therapist, switch. You shouldn't walk away feeling the way you have. Especially one with a ridiculous view of kissing isn't cheating. Unreal. Seriously, I wonder how some of these people have licenses. And to the person who mentioned their therapist told them to get over it, unreal!!

Dday March 11, 2014. Found out my husband of almost 10 years was having an affair, first emotional then physical for 6 months.
Divorced 2/2016

posts: 2543   ·   registered: Apr. 27th, 2014
id 6861114
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sohowamI ( member #36671) posted at 12:21 PM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

A therapist we (as a couple) saw many years ago when we had been having communication problems was fully cognizant of my WS having had numerous affairs - one of ten years - and my WS requesting that she NOT tell me, then didn't! She kept this information to herself and she was supposed to be a marriage counsellor! This actually meant that she enabled him to lie and cheat. It was as if THEY became a couple themselves because she was drawn into the drama of his life.

I only found out about this after having found out about it all two years ago. If I had known then... What a disgrace she is.

Definitely fire yours and find yourself someone who understands what infidelity really means.

WS had two LTAs of 10 years and 12 years; further 8/9 affairs; EAs, 2 OC. Looks horrific but he is fully immersed in trying to find the 'broken.' It's on-going and painful. If there's a blue sky and sunshine, then it's a good day.

posts: 169   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2012   ·   location: UK
id 6861203
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painpaingoaway ( member #27196) posted at 12:46 PM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Nothing like compounding the pain of betrayal with a worthless shitty therapist. I'm so sorry.

We had a terrible first MC too. He told H that it was not necessary for me to know who the OP was, (along with a plethora of other crappy advice). I told him off, told him to forget sending me a bill because I would not pay for his crappy services, and slammed the door on my way out! (H was mortified, lol).

Never did get a bill either.


D-Day June 2009
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

posts: 7192   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2010   ·   location: Coastal South
id 6861227
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Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 12:51 PM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Nothing like compounding the pain of betrayal with a worthless shitty therapist. I'm so sorry.

Ouch....I bet that hurt. Change counselors.

I had a similar experience except in my case the therapist told me

You are a man hating lesbian

.

This was after seeing FT for several private sessions. All I remember about that is the gut wrenching sick feeling of betrayal by a therapist.

It was several years later that I learned about men with personality disorders....

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie

posts: 6709   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2010
id 6861230
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painpaingoaway ( member #27196) posted at 12:59 PM on Saturday, July 5th, 2014

I had a similar experience except in my case the therapist told me:

You are a man hating lesbian

OMG, O.M.G! Seriously??? I hope you reported him to whomever the powers that be are.


D-Day June 2009
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

posts: 7192   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2010   ·   location: Coastal South
id 6861234
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