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HFSSC posted 7/4/2014 22:08 PM

Well... I posted quite a vent earlier.

And there has been a quite unexpected turn of events.

OW messaged me on fb this afternoon. She had me blocked for the past 2 years and I had not been able to block her. She messaged me this afternoon to apologize.

And it was an apology. A heartfelt, I am sorry for the pain I caused you apology. She said that she had nothing to do with her friend's mistake and that she had not tried to contact either of us.

I believe her. She wrote a couple of paragraphs that made it clear she gets it and has done some work. She said she was sorry that I had been triggered by the mistake her friend made. A couple of things she wrote made it clear that she has read here and knows who I am. She knows the nickname that I have only ever used here. I'm not really sure how I feel about that.

Anyway, it's weird. I've read threads before about OW apologies and honestly never thought I'd hear one. I feel relief. I certainly don't want to go out for coffee with her, but there is relief from all the rage I have carried. And there's something to be said for that.

MovingUpward posted 7/4/2014 22:26 PM

I am glad that you found some relief in that. It is perfectly ok if your response is crickets and a block. Do what you need to do.

karmahappens posted 7/4/2014 22:32 PM

Wow is right.

I just read your other post...

Maybe this is the calm to come

I think a heart-felt apology is always good, but I agree with MOO, I don't think you have to do anything with it.

I hope it brings some relief.

Ostrich80 posted 7/5/2014 04:30 AM

If it made you feel better, that's great for you, but you don't owe her anything. Sounds like it helped you a bit in your healing and that's a good thing.

AML04 posted 7/5/2014 05:54 AM

I have always heard the apology doesn't make you feel any better but if I got one I felt was heartfelt, I do think it would help my healing.

It is weird that she knows your nickname. I hope it's that she found this place and has used it to fix herself.

I agree with the others that no response is necessary. Now that you're unblocked, you could go ahead and block her.

mindisgone posted 7/5/2014 06:05 AM

A couple of things she wrote made it clear that she has read here and knows who I am. She knows the nickname that I have only ever used here. I'm not really sure how I feel about that.

Crickets are good! She has read here and read your posts so she also knows what a "real" apology should sound like.

painpaingoaway posted 7/5/2014 06:30 AM

I'm glad you got an apology, but I am totally creeped out that she knows who you are here. HFSSC, that would take some incredible sleuthing to put all that together, and I think someone that would spend that much time trying to figure out who you are on here definitely has a screw lose. It scares me.

heme posted 7/5/2014 06:43 AM

I find it really odd and strange that she knows you post here and who you are.. That is kind of stalker-ish in my mind.

HFSSC posted 7/5/2014 07:49 AM

Well, back at the beginning of all this, I had a fake fb page that I used to goad her. And I am pretty sure I posted a link to the "They always affair down" post. I don't recommend that, by the way.

And I have given enough details that it wouldn't be hard at all for anyone who knows me to figure out my screen name. I'm pretty sure she used SI for pain shopping initially, but maybe something sunk in and she used it. All I know is that what was said yesterday was not like anything that has ever come from her. I did respond with a brief note, mainly because I was so shocked. But immediately after posting here, I deleted the messages and blocked her.

painpaingoaway posted 7/5/2014 07:59 AM

Run roh. I wouldn't be comfortable knowing that an OP was reading my posts. Have you thought about changing your screen name?

HFSSC posted 7/5/2014 08:30 AM

Run roh. I wouldn't be comfortable knowing that an OP was reading my posts. Have you thought about changing your screen name?

Not really. If it were a year or two ago, probably. But not now. First, because I am truly this open IRL. I have shared my testimony in numerous places, revealing some of the darkest, most difficult things I have been through. Our video is public. I have information in various public records that will never go away.

Second, after my big explosion yesterday, I realized that she is not a threat to me. I was angry because I thought she was messing with me, but not because she is a threat to me or my M in any way. We are healed. We are strong together. We have strong boundaries and do not hesitate to call on each other if we see any sign of weakness or loosening.

And third, because I think this was a necessary part in my healing and God's continuing to work on me. This is me, and I will freely admit that I am a pretty unique individual in many ways. So please don't think that I am suggesting that this applies to any other BS. But for me, the part of me that has been angry and hurtful and lashing out to cause pain on her because she hurt me... that's not me. That's never been who I am, and it has been so hard for me to deal with that part of me. In the months after dday, I rained abuse and rage on her every chance I got. I taunted her on fb. I wanted her to hurt, to feel some measure of the hurt I felt. Then I let go of that but held on to this place as my place to vent.

But for a while now, I have felt uncomfortable with that. I would type the nickname here and feel a bit of conviction, but then shake it off. I have written several long, thoughtful posts about being ready to let go of the pain and rage, and then deleted it without posting. Because I guess I wasn't ready yet. But now I am. And not just because I know she may read it, but because I just don't want to be that person anymore.

I am sure I will still have pain and triggery moments. And I will continue to post those, but it will be mindfully. Because who I am in private, who I am when I am "anonymous" is just as important as who I am in my day to day life.

DixieD posted 7/5/2014 08:50 AM

HFSSC, I suspect if you changed your username you would be found again anyway. If someone wants to find you here badly enough, they will find you. Yes, it's stalkerish and creepy but it happens.

She's read your posts. Ok, what's done is done. She can keep reading and pain-shopping if she so chooses. And if she does, all that shows is that she can't move on -- and that you are fascinating. Which you are of course.

You're someone whose worked her butt off to get where she is. To heal and to grow. You are a treasured survivor here among almost 44,000. You stick around to help those who come after you. And most importantly your life is good now. So, let her read.

Maybe she finally 'got it' by reading the pain expressed here everyday. That's a novel idea, but maybe it happened, and kudos to her if it did. Maybe it will prevent her from hurting another the way she hurt you. But otherwise, she's irrelevant.

Congrats on this experience guiding you to the next level of letting go.

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
 and wisdom to know the difference.

Ostrich80 posted 7/5/2014 20:10 PM

Somehow I.missed the fact that she knows your name here...that would creep me out and really piss me off..geez is nothing sacred, this is your place

Jrazz posted 7/5/2014 20:37 PM

But immediately after posting here, I deleted the messages and blocked her.

That's a really good thing. I'm glad that she apologized to you. Honestly, if OW did the same for me I might just appreciate it. The thing is, I moved the heck away so I wouldn't ever have to deal with anything having to do with her at all.

I hope that you found some peace here, sweets, and that you are able to let her fade back into the rearview like a tumbleweed.

(((HFSSC)))