But I did find a message from MY Ipad that my WH sent to the WS about how I'm a liar, etc. All of the pain has come back in spades and now I'm crippled. Will these setbacks ever stop? Is this a sign I should just leave? I don't know what to do anymore. I still believe if you love somebody, you DON'T cheat on them!
Status: We're going to try IC one more time.
He is upset because you are still finding out stuff? If he is remorseful, he needs to be opening up and understanding when new discoveries hurt - not defensive after the fact.
So he is still in contact with the other woman? Or Is he in contact with the OW's BS?
The tt is the worst. If he is being defensive and not willing to do anything to help you heal be doesn't get it.
You cannot R with someone who doesn't get it.
Is he in IC ? Are you?
You have every right to get info from the OBS. ... especially when he is apparently still holding back truths.
I would be wearing my bitch boots. .... when my husband didn't get it I hefty bagged his stuff. Apparently its a pretty good eye opener
This stops when you say it does. He doesn't get to dictate how much truth he tells and you don't need to wait for him to decide to man up before you begin to heal.
Sometimes you need be willing to lose the marriage in order to save it.
Put the oxygen mask on yourself first. ..... it's a good life lesson, not just for airplane travel (((hugs))))
And the 180 sounds perfect for your situation. If he's trying to dodge proof and deflecting his lying onto you, he is absolutely not remorseful.
Is this a sign I should just leave?
You should not be "looking for signs", rather, you should be "making choices".
I still believe if you love somebody, you DON'T cheat on them!
I believe this too. In fact, I think most people on here also believe this.
The question being posed here, day after day, week after week, is whether those who believe this will make choices which are based upon those beliefs.
Choices which are rational and which are determined by logic.
The facts are these:
1) you want to be loved
2) your husband has cheated on you, so he doesn't love you
Logically, you can either find someone else so you can be loved, or you can stay in spite of the fact that you are not loved.
He was furious which led me to believe he is hiding stuff. Why wouldn't he just let it all out. Why did it take almost 18 months to get all the truth out of him (and 98% of it was given by the ow and him finally admitting it.) I'm heartbroken all over again, why do people do this type of crap to people they supposedly love. How heartless can somebody be?
By Jove, he's got it, says Dr. Watson.
WH is still talking to OW. How else would he hear, believe or decide that you were still talking to OW's BH? She's telling him that during their underground continuing A.
You, clueless, appear to have been a victim of FALSE R.
The threat of the lie detector pushed WH off his comfortable, lying perch. Curious how his blow up coincided with the lie detector request, isn't it.
You may not have been as close to R as you thought.
I am not trying to make fun of your situation, either. This dastardly plot was unraveled just before he moved back into the marital bedroom, presumably with all that entails. That is small consolation, I know, but at least you didn't end up pregnant from HB. Which some BW's here have.
And now you know why he's hiding stuff.
I don't know where to go or what to do. I'm not as scared as I was when this first happened. I guess I'm so use to the abuse, I don't know anything else. I have been isolated for a long time. I've been fighting a life threatening illness (which is now under control) but have no where to go. Last night I wondered if I should have died during my last surgery. That way I won't be a burden and I never would have felt the pain my WH has caused me and continues to cause me. I just want it to end