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It has been over a year, and I have been obsessively creeping OW every day, multiple times a day. I know more about her than my WH ever did. What I realized last week was that I had made her a part of MY life. It was almost like I was having an EA with her. I had made her larger than life. To my WH, she is nothing. She was always nothing to him - she could have been anybody. I am the one who attached value to her as a person, acting like there was something that she has that I need in order to fill that hole in me.

So, I am officially 4 days free of creeping. I haven't creeped her, her mother, her father, her cousins, her friends... pretty horrifying now to realize how much of our lives my WH and I have collectively handed over to this person.

I feel so much better. Obviously, I still think about the A constantly. I am still afraid of being blind-sided, but I am living in the here and now, and I am giving my energy to the marriage I have now.

That's fantastic, plainpain. Turning your focus back toward yourself and your marriage can only benefit you. Well done!

I am glad for you. I need to join you in this quest to stay creep free.

I know more about her than my WH ever did.

THIS!

FWH wasn't even sure of her last name when the A ended (I had never heard it before, and he had no idea how it was spelled).

I now know her last name, middle name, every bf she's ever had, her family, her childhood friends… so much that I can answer her security questions on her email accounts.

Every word in this posts resonates with me so much.

Your lack of creeping is an inspiration.

(((plainpain)))

[This message edited by Want2help at 7:05 PM, July 5th (Saturday)]

((Want2help))

The OC definitely complicates it emotionally, but even in that regard I have had to realize that things and people only have the meaning and the value in my life that I attach to them. She has nothing that I need. She can do nothing for me. She has no magical healing properties. She is as poisonous and toxic to me as she was to my WH, and I just want to be rid of her.

See, and now that I celebrated it I have this physical neeeeeeeed to creep her. I am in freaking WITHDRAWL FROM THE OW!!!! Is there a support group for creepers? Cyber Stalkers Anonymous? I freaking hate adultery.

ahhhhh!!! Add me to this post! The oc thing makes it nearly impossible to not "creep" and want to know everything.

Im proud of you plainpain!! I have stopeed doing the "creeping" thing but am still struggling with making her to relevant in MY LIFE, IN OUR LIVES.

My ws always says, "what do you think she would say if she knew how big of a person you mader her in your life? She'd be happy she affected you this much. Stop letting her." Hes right.

Keep it up plainpain!! We'll all get through this!

You are so right. She would be thrilled to think she had that kind of power in our lives. That alone is reason to stop. It does boggle my mind how easily my WH erased her from his thoughts.

That alone is reason to stop

AMEN! I would be mortified if she knew how much she bothers me. She would certainly NEVER stop if she knew the impact she has made, and would probably try to intrude 100x more then she does now.

It does boggle my mind how easily my WH erased her from his thoughts

Yes, but then again, they have all the answers. They got what they wanted and left what they didnt. They know why. No matter how much they tell us, even if all of the answers seem to fall into place and "make sense" we will never truly understand it....So at least for me I think some of the obssesive thoughts are trying to answer why. I know I will never be satisfied with any answer because she is a piece of shit and it will never make any logical sense.

I heard it described best when someone here called it "pain shopping".

Recently, Ow posted some image with a quote something along the lines of "I don't chase anyone... I walk away with my head held high... it's called DIGNITY".

I saw this and was immediately incensed. I wanted to comment "Walk away? You mean you harass their WIFE and family for YEARS! You have no dignity, you're nothing but a (fill in the rest)..."

I was in a mood all day, and had I never looked, I never would have even known.

I need to stop "pain shopping".

I hope to get there. Whenever I remind myself that i haven't looked, I go right there and do it. All I can see is her photo, I've stared at that photo for way too long.

Good for you for taking a step towards reclaiming your life . It gives me hope.

Good for you. I know how hard it is but you say your already feeling better with 4 days under your belt. Keep up the good work!!