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StuckinBetween posted 7/5/2014 17:48 PM

I am working to keep distance but struggling 1 week following DDay 3. As a short summary, last week while he was on bedrest following knee surgery I caught him FB sex chatting with a woman I now know he slept with before we were married. He also had 2 other PAs that I know of, when my oldest was 3 months old and 2 years ago. I am dumbfounded that he did it again after 2 heard ago - we went to ic and mc, he had gained a deeper understanding of himself and appeared to want to change for the better, even for his own sake. I reluctantly greed to R even though a major line had been crossed.

So, here we are now. I've told him I can't love him and won't get over this and I'm trying to figure out how to sort everything out. We have 3 boys, and the last thing I want is for then to go through this and live in 2 homes. WH is currently in a very regretful, remorseful and poor me state. He's saying all the right things and is basically begging not to lose us. I'm finding this hard to tolerate. I'm feeling sad for him and mad at him. He is saying he will devote himself to the boys and to me in whatever way I will have him. He's looking to start IC again.

I know that none of this will change the fact that I will never trust him. I'm just feeling so lost ATM. I truly believe that he loves me and the boys more than anything (although I do tell him that loving someone means not heating and lying).

I don't want divorce because it's going to have major $ consequences... I am struggling right now to access my anger or other feelings though, except the strong desire not to mess up our lives (and yes I see that they are already messed up and it wasn't my fault etc etc). It's hard enough to deal with the reality of all this, it's pathetic I know but I really don't want to have to figure out how We are going to move forward on top of everything else.

Sorry this is probably a bit jumbled...

Bookworm428 posted 7/5/2014 18:09 PM

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I know how painful it is, like getting sucker punched in the gut. It's especially hard when children are involved. I can't tell you what to do--you know your situation and your family better than anybody. Part of me wants to say that you're very important and not to worry about your kids so much. Children are amazingly resilient and it's so so important to them to have a mother who is happy and in a respectful relationship. It's especially important for them to see how they should behave in future relationships. I want to say that to you, but the mother in me knows how terrible that is to hear. I never want my daughter to have to deal with me and my WH split up. That's why I'm working so hard to get our marriage back on track. It IS important for you though. You need to back up from the situation, take a deep breath and evaluate in a calm and LOGICAL manner. This is terribly hard to do in this situation because it is an emotional thing to go through and sometimes it's more to bear. I hope you get through this soon and get some clarity.

mandolin555 posted 7/5/2014 18:56 PM

Plain and simple...either file for divorce or this will be your life. There will always be other women. Maybe you can come to an arrangement where you have boyfriends on the side as well. I understand wanting to stay together for the kids. I'd do anything for mine...including staying with their lying, cheating dad...but be realistic about it.