So I am still on the reconciliation board and considering R with my husband. We had a nice night tonight, after the emotional roller coaster of the past few days since I started this month's separation.
I realized how much I had missed him, and his company. Also, I realized how nice it was to have the choice to see him, as opposed to being locked into close quarters with him and his mother as we were both caregiving as well as trying to tend to our relationship.
We didn't get into anything too heavy tonight, but I mentioned how nice it was to have some head space instead of having so little personal time.
I'm trying to keep an open mind, without being blind to the events of the past. I feel more "seen" by him than ever before. If he can be honest with me, and deal with many of his issues I could see a future. Sometimes that's a pretty big IF, but it's good to have a nice night now and again.