I guess the main thing I'm confused about at the moment is last night, I went out for a friends birthday. She was out but we avoided each other the whole night. Until I was about to leave to go somewhere else. We ended up talking she was upset, but I always made sure I was sincere.
I get a message then saying she is outside my house, so she comes in and we talk. Both of us crying, talking about everything, that I don't act like i care. To which i told her, I've done everything that you wanted. When you asked for space I gave it, when you wanted to talk I talked. When you wanted to feel wanted i made you feel wanted. Even if i did get a fuck off and leave me alone. I then gave her space again.
We ended up having sex. And she said she enjoyed her time with me, I told her that I love her and I do care, and she said she knows that. She said this will be the last time we do this. But this situation has happened so many times before. When I am speaking to her face to face. She can see everything that I am saying I'm being honest and truthful about. I know she says that she can't trust me to which i reply. I want to show you, she says I am enjoying being here with you like this, and I say It dosn't just have to be this one night.
I guess, I don't know what to think about all this. She opens up to me physically and emotionally but dosn't want to be with me. I accept that were not getting back together, but then we have moments like this that give me hope, I know shes confused and upset and angry.
WS's I don't know what to make of this. Is this just for her to get over me, or is it because she still has those feelings for me shes conflicted. I know the trust issues are still there. But she says when being with me physically she says she can see the love and affection. Is there any hope ?
I need advice, I'm struggling to process any of this
NC Since 6/7/2014
[This message edited by DWelshe at 7:10 AM, July 6th (Sunday)]
ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)
I do not PM with Women
I know my whys, that I would bottle things up as I always had to do that when I was younger with my FOO issues. A lot of people who know about the situation have noticed changes and made comments about them, that i am maturing. I want to pursue this. She saying that she dosn't trust me and i accept that. She said she is speaking to other people but not because she wants to.
Also I did ask does she want me to a D***head, if thats what she needs to move on to make it easier for her.
Don't ever offer to do anything like that again to any one for any reason.
The reason I say this is that your clearly are working on becoming a healthier person. A better person.
How you behave needs to be authentic and true to the person you are and want to be.
I would bottle things up as I always had to do that when I was younger with my FOO issues.
I totally get this. With my FOO I never had an open encouraging area to express my feelings. I had the emotional maturity of a 10year old.
A lot of people who know about the situation have noticed changes and made comments about them, that i am maturing.
I hear these comments too. One thing for myself that I always have to "gut check" on. Making sure I am doing this for me. I make sure sure that I am not doing this for external validation or for a projected persona of how I want to be viewed.
And to reitterate what daisy said
Everyone that knows is probably telling her to move on, her head is probably telling her to move on.
It s going to be difficult though if her family doesn't like you because even if she forgives you I doubt they will.
I agree with the statement
To me it sounds like she may still have feelings for you but is embarrassed for it
Yes they are and I don't blame them for saying that. I am continuing by talking about it to people get a broader understanding of myself. Just waiting for this reply for counselling, think i might call my GP and try to see whats happening about it.
I want this change, I don't want to be that person. And i know I am improving. I guess getting the validation does help as I guess it helps me realize that yes it is starting to work. I know at the moment her family don't trust me and I don't blame that either.
My sister had texted her I guess acting as the middle ground for both her and myself. I wont type out all of it, but these were the last two messages.
I don;t want him to do anything, Im done now. Im so tired of it all. I dont want him and im not giving him hope, but i can see how it comes across like that. Ive told him over and over that i could never give him another chance and i really dont know why ive gone back to him like i did last night. But ive really got to put an end to it all and that what im doing now
So that is why she has now blocked me on facebook. And the reply back to her was
You both now need to go your seperate ways to heal. You both still love each other but i think its best you stay away from each other for the time being. He accepts that your not getting back together. If you do ever want to speak you should do it when you are both healed and have not been drinking
I know she wont tell her fmaily she has spent nights with me before and aswell as last night. I know i need to focus on myself and healing now. And i guess like you said daisy if its meant to be she will come back and we will deal with those obstacles together
But I guess I'm finding it all difficult at the moment. I am speaking to other people I guess just to meet new people. And forntje same reasons she said that she was speaking to someone else.
not because you want to not to in a way, more to distract yourself from the pain
Guess I'm also thinking about our sex life aswell. As the times before she wanted to see the love and passion and I did. I was unable to do this before due to my own personal issues. And I guess when we are in that physical position she sees what I am saying is the truth.
Guess I'm looking for some support or advice. We are doing NC atm. She has blocked me on Facebook. Which I guess she needs to do, as to not view me or message myself. Which she used to do on the weekends. Guess I feel like a lost sheep just standing there unsure of how to feel and how to go about everything. I know I can't peruse her, as much as I would want to. I know it's her decision to speak to me now. But I know it's only going to be about getting angry or want physical contact not about us getting back together. If she does does get in contact again. Which isn't good for me or for her.
Feel like my head could explode. Help me.
But I'm getting so many triggers all the time. and I end up beating myself over it. Start to feel sad, upset. Feel helpless. Talked about to family to much and there getting sick of it. Even though I know it's over I can't help but speak about it.
[This message edited by DWelshe at 6:02 AM, July 9th (Wednesday)]
that is what we are here for. keep coming here to talk. how is the therapy schedule coming?
That's why my posts seem so frantic and all over the place. Hopeful and selfish.
[This message edited by DWelshe at 10:09 AM, July 9th (Wednesday)]