SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

woundedwoman posted 7/6/2014 09:06 AM

And to add insult to injury...

I don't know how I will react if H gave me an STD.

He seems to think it isn't possible because he took two STD tests that came back negative (I saw the test results). But the first test was 3 days after his whatever you want to call it with a massage parlor girl-I think too early for accurate testing, and the second set of tests was about 6 weeks later (when I found out about the massage parlor) and after he took a round of antibiotics for minor surgery.

We've been doing well trying to heal and get past this. He didn't have an affair, I do believe it was a one time visit to a mp, he's not a sex addict, he's been fairly supportive, but if I learn my female issues were because of this...I just don't think I can get past that.

And I've read articles on line about this...men don't think about STDs in that moment, blah, blah, blah...And somehow my hubby convinced himself that he was protecting me with the first set of testing (he avoided me for a week), but fact is, he didn't protect me.

Tough few days here.

painpaingoaway posted 7/6/2014 09:43 AM

Hi woundedwoman,

My H gave me the STD he picked up from a stripper/whore. It is incredibly devastating, and the only way I ever made peace with it was this: the large majority of cheaters never use condoms. Many will lie and say they did, but based on my research here asking waywards if they used condoms, most admitted they did not.

ANY one of our cheating spouses that did not use condoms, could have picked up an STD. It is simply at matter of luck as to whether they did or not. So, does picking up a STD make one WS better or worse than than the next? I choose to think not.

Now, on the other hand, if it ever happened a second time knowing the risks they were taking with our lives - game over.

I am so sorry for your pain. You will both need repeated testing at intervals to rule out HIV.

There is a thread down in I Can Relate dedicated to those of us that were given the special little 'gift' of an STD.

Stay strong sweetie,

Peace,
PPGA

HeartStings posted 7/6/2014 12:59 PM

"Whatever you want to call it with a massage parlor girl?"

You call it: unprotected sex with a prostitute

Until you can wrap your brain around that fact, your healing will be delayed.

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this, ww, but I don't know how much support you'll find here after some of your nasty comments. Specifically, a few weeks ago you wrote:

"That being said, I wish I got more support, more sharing of stories, and less of the haters and bitter people on this website. Some of you are toxic."

Totally uncalled for, and couldn't be further from the truth. You received excellent advice, delivered with compassion, from some of the more seasoned veterans of this infidelity trauma. This is the best infidelity site out there, with thousands of compassionate people who have been there, done that. There is nothing new under the sun. Your circumstance is quite common, actually, and cheaters pretty much follow the same script. The advice you received was spot on, and nobody on this website is a bitter, toxic hater. It is a very well moderated site.

That being said, if you test positive for an STD, are you still going to believe that a prostitute started a blowjob on your husband and then he stopped her, one time?

There is an abundance of healing information on this site if you can be open to it. Good luck to you. I hope he didn't give you something.

tushnurse posted 7/6/2014 16:26 PM

I hope your tests come back clean but the fact that you have to even concern yourself with it can be an eye opening experience. I have to say that given the nature of people and the experiences of the members here the chances of getting an STD'S from an aborted be are slim to none.
It's like the one girl in high school that got pregnant but never went all the way. What I mean is if the story doesn't make sense then you probably don't have the whole truth.

As I often tell any new member it is essential to arm yourself with knowledge from the get go. Meaning you get tested and assume you were exposed. You see a lawyer and assume your spouse is going to walk or continue to lie and cheat.
You most definitely will end up with new hurts if you don't.

It's scary stuff and I can honestly say had my H given me the gift of an STD I'm not sure R would have happened. You can choose whatever path you want and will get support here no matter what but you will always get the truth too and sometimes the warnings that go with those can be very very scary. That's why it's best to arm yourself with knowledge.
As they say in football and war the best offense is a good defense. Defend yourself first and foremost. No one else will.

woundedwoman posted 7/6/2014 17:01 PM

At HeartStings...your comment hurt my feelings. It really hurt my feelings. I thought I would be safe here. You actually reminded me of an 8th grade bully. That I won't be popular here because of "nasty comments" I made.

I don't want to be popular here, I want to know how others cope and got past this horrible thing.

In defense of my comments...some people on this site are obviously still angry and they have left less than helpful comments. If a hubby has cheated once, comments shouldn't be left that he's probably been doing it for years or that he keeps all the hookers in town in their high heels. How on earth are those comments helpful?

"You can survive this...Talk to others who have." Well, I want to know how they survived it. I don't want comments like "he's lying" or "we've been here longer than you have...and we know better-he's still cheating on you."

Maybe I don't belong on this site and you just pointed me to the door.