I am struggling this past week with just the thought of him having sex with another woman. He is my one and only. He had one girlfriend before I started dating him when he was 18, so I had been his one and only for 27 years.
I don't know if its different when your spouse is your "one and only" but I am really struggling with this.
The thought of him having sex with another woman. It kills me. It really kills me. I don't know if I will ever get over that. I hope I do, because I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like this. I am so mad that I have to deal with these feelings now. I was just trying to live my life, be happy and then he throws a grenade into my life an now BAM!! I'm a victim of his stupidity, forced to live with this pain in my heart. WHY???
All week every time I look at him, especially when I'm looking at him and thinking how good looking he is, I feel sadness. I don't know if its because I think of how she got to feel those same feeling when she looked at him, she got to indulge herself in his sexiness. That really hurts. I am struggling with that.
I also feel sad when I look at him because I think, that's my sexy husband.....and he had sex with someone else:(
That's hard to accept.
What did you do to help yourself deal with these feelings? Was there something you said to yourself? How do you cope with the knowledge of a fact that will be ever present for the rest of your life, that cant be undone???
I hope I can survive infidelity.
Even if we wipe our memories, the fact is our WSes betrayed us.
Over time you learn the accept that it can't be undone. There isn't an easy way to get to that stage. I finally decided to take each day as it came and to stop looking backwards. I watched his actions and how he was with me and slowing I healed. I also would push the thoughts out of my head of the affair as often as I could. The more I thought about it , the worse it was for me.
This was after we had discussed the affair hundreds of time. It took about a year and a half for me to stop wishing for it to be undone.
You are not long from d-day and the pain is fresh and the thoughts are constantly rolling through your head. It's so hard and I'm so sorry you are hurting. I wish I knew a quicker way but for me time was the only answer.
What doesn't kill me, scars me.
"First the fall, and then the recovery from the fall, and both are the mercy of God."†óJulian of Norwich
I am not sure this will help & not sure other posters would even approve. What I finally had to do to get the image of my wh & his last ow doing the nasty (in my home)out of my head was to use some imagery. This did give me some temporary relief & feelings of empowerment over an otherwise powerless situation. Just for the record though, I have in no way put my imagery to real action, nor would I, nor should you. So this is what I imagined I was doing to the ow when them doing the nasty image would pop up, I would imagine I grabbed her by the back of her hair, pulled her naked off my bed, then marched her down the stairs to the front door (still holding her up by the hair) then planted my foot on her ass, let go of her hair and gave her a good hard shove out the front door. Then I imagined her laying there on the ground because she couldn't catch her balance in time due to the force I shoved her with. Then I told her to stay out of my head and don't come back, this is my head, and my house, not yours Ho.