A couple of years ago, I noticed a couple of girls on his facebook page, and questioned him about them. He told me he didn't know them, they were just facebook friends. There was two women in particular that I continued to question, and of course he made me out to be the jealous type. He even broke up with me, but we reconciled very quickly, and I dropped the subject in fear of losing him. He also stopped using facebook, siting me as the reason.
Flash forward to March 2014....We are living together, he is very involved with my kids, and his child is involved as well. I added him to my family shared plan on my cell service. I get a weird message about paying to much for international calling, and I should switch plans. Thinking it was my teenage son, I check my usage data, and find that my boyfriend has been texting one of the women I had questioned on facebook. He denied anything bad was going on, but told me he would stop contacting her. A few weeks later, I got a hold of his phone, and saw the real story. They exchanged loving words, pictures, and all the things I thought he shared only with me. As the next few weeks went on, I uncovered more of his lies. The other woman I questioned was an ex, whom he told me was his cousin. He was speaking to another ex, until last year. He was constantly trying to connect to other women, the first two years. I also found out that the main ow, asked him to get off facebook, bc her boyfriend was jealous.
My entire relationship feels like a lie. I love him, but I just don't know where I am with it all. We don't talk about it, bc all he can say is "sorry, I don't remember, I only love you" blah, blah, blah. Everything falls so flat bc he was so awesome before this, so being awesome now means nothing. We got into a huge fight recently and he told me to forgive him, or let him go.
What do I do? I'm fine for a little bit, but then I am back to square one. Sorry for any typos, I don't type well on a touchscreen. Thanks for reading.
Your WBF barely sounds regretful for being caught----he definitely is not remorseful for betraying you-----only you can decide if you want to stay in the relationship with him.
It takes time to heal from this trauma. It sounds like you have had one trauma on top of another, so don't be surprised if this second trauma triggers the feelings of abandonment from the first. There are many here to help you thru this.
Please read the articles in the Healing Library,& also those with the bullseyes----they will help you immensely.
Sending you strength.
What your WBF wants, frankly, is immaterial. What do YOU want? What are your boundaries? What are your deal breakers? How do you want to live your life? These are the only questions that you need answer right now. You need to figure out exactly, what you want and what you deserve. Also, what your children want and deserve. Because they are caught up in this as well, and have far less resources than you do.
Please do click on The Healing Library (upper left corner in the yellow box) and start reading. Also read any post on the first 3 pages of this forum that have red "targets" next to them. This is all information that you need to know and has been written by people who have been there and done that, and have the battle scars to prove it.
Please also remember. Words are cheap. "I love you, I want only you, I'll never do this again, I don't know what I was thinking, blah blah blah" all mean nothing. Actions are the only currency that you should count on. Actions tell the truth. And the truth right now, is that your WBF is snowing you, lying to you, and is sneaking around on you. And you are far, far worth more than those disrespectful actions and so are your children.
Keep coming back often for support. We're all here for you. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Listen to this song. You need to hear it.
Tori Amos - Winter - YouTube
[This message edited by mandolin555 at 7:43 PM, July 6th (Sunday)]
[This message edited by LittleMag79 at 7:50 PM, July 6th (Sunday)]
[This message edited by LittleMag79 at 7:53 PM, July 6th (Sunday)]