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Living in limbo

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Hopeful74 posted 7/6/2014 18:40 PM

Hi. I am 38 years old and have been with my husband since I was 21. He was my first real boyfriend and I can not see a future without him in it. We have 3 amazing children, 2 girls, 16 and 3 and 1 son, 9. On January 8 of this year, I found out he was having an affair, and had been since October. I knew the woman. She came into our lives in late august and was a single mother on my son's soccer team, which my husband coached. She also signed her son up for cub scouts in September when she found out my husband was the den leader. She and I have never spoken. On DDay, I confronted him at her house, and his reaction was not as I expected. He did not fight for me and our marriage and left me to deal with the aftermath. I went to a lawyer the next day and began divorce proceedings. He seemed slightly shocked when he got the papers.Fast forward to March and he called me, crying, wanting to come home. He said he would do anything. He had ended things with her completely. I have been in therapy since DDay happened, and told him he needs to do the same, which he has. I have been slightly bipolar since that night, teetering between wanting things I work and thinking he does not deserve another chance. He blew it. Only time will tell if I can get past what he has done. Any positive stories similar to mine are greatly appreciated!! Thanks for letting me share.

Skan posted 7/6/2014 19:51 PM

Hopeful74, welcome. This is definitely the one place that no one wants to have the reason to find, but now that you have found us, you will find a caring community who are all here for you. Welcome.

I commend you for your strength in filing for divorce. That was a smart and courageous thing to do. More than anything else, letting your WH know upfront that you refused to be his Plan B, that you refused to allow your WH to have a girlfriend, probably helped to pull the wool from his eyes. People who try to "nice" their WSs back fail. Pretty darn much each and every time. They and their hearts get trampled and their healing is set back and back and back. So he's crying to come back big deal. Do Not Budge one bit. You figure out what YOU need to even consider him being allowed back into your life, and you set your demands and expectations.

Please look in the upper left corner, for a square yellow box, and click on The Healing Library. Read it. Read any post in the first 3-4 pages of this forum that have red targets next to them. This is all knowledge that you will need, written by people who have been there and done that. I guarantee that you WILL survive infidelity. Maybe not with him, but YOU will survive it. We're all here to help you.

Hopeful74 posted 7/6/2014 20:01 PM

Thanks Skan! I have found some strength through an incredibly supportive family and therapy. If not for them, I would probably still be standing in that $&@!/ driveway with my mouth hanging open!! It's hard to stand my ground since he is so open and seemingly vulnerable. I still don't trust completely he is on the up and up, but again, time will tell

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