This is very new for you. When I was at the same point you are at, I felt the same way----did not know how to deal with WH.
I kicked him out on Dday, & when he would stop by, I went back and forth from such extreme despair & anguish that I could barely breath, to such anger that I could kill him ( don't even ask what I wanted to do to that Slut), to uncontrollable sobbing.
And you have a newborn, who you don't trust him with ( I wouldn't either.)
PLEASE don't leave the baby alone with him.
I am 3 years out from Dday, with a somewhat remorseful WH,& we all live together again ( WH, I & our 4 kids) & we are trying to R,
& I am still "Not at all over it."
We BSs have been dealt an immense trauma which will take time to heal from. Everyone heals at their own rate. I have my own reasons, which I am aware of, why it has taken me as long as it has to get to where I am at this moment.
You will heal at your own rate, R or D.
Sending you strength. (((Tigaress)))