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Newest Member: Zhendeda (61773)

User Topic: Not at all over it
♀ 43954
Member # 43954
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi. Sorry, I felt that I was posting a bit too much recently and had planned to only comment on other posts for a while. But then my husband left me a voice mail after almost five days of silent treatment. He said he needs to talk to me. I have not called him back and was not planning to do so for a few days. But my mind is playing scenarios why he called me. One of them is that he wants to come by the apartment tomorrow to pick up some of his clothes. That thought makes my heart race and gives me uncontrollable crying spells. Things had just started mellowing down a bit and I thought I was only angry and now this. How to get myself under control? I've already 'wasted' a week with crying, need to get my act together and study or my husband's infidelity will cost me my new career ... and what do I do about him needing to pick up his stuff? How do I get myself to a place where I can calmly communicate with him and otherwise focus on my life?

[This message edited by Tigaress at 6:43 PM, July 6th (Sunday)]

Posts: 508 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: New York
Member # 43953
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't really have any advice except to trust your gut. Perhaps you should call only so you don't have to worry about why he called? I mostly wanted to say that you should post whenever you feel you need to, and don't worry, your not posting too much. It may be easier for people to follow your posts if you keep adding to a few posts but I think that's completely up to you and what you feel comfortable with. Please post whenever and as often as you need to. That's why we are here. This stuff is hard, especially when you first find out. Hang in there! (((hugs)))

BW 48 - Multiple d-days
Divorced 2012 after 19 yrs
6 smart, beautiful, amazing kids.

I have finally found my voice and it is good!

Posts: 234 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Australia
♀ 31314
Member # 31314
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he is coming to pick up his crap and you are not ready to see/talk to him ask a friend or family member to stay with you while he's there or you could put his crap in bags and leave it out the front door.

If you're not ready to talk then don't. You don't have to. If you want to, I just read another post that said they talked about A stuff on neutral ground and it helped them. I know it's hard to stay calm but I find when I do, out talks are more productive.


I wish I could just stop I know another moment will break my heart too many tears too many time too many years I've cried over you

Posts: 633 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: IL
♀ 42853
Member # 42853
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh I'm sorry...what a crappy feeling. Id say to just call him and find out, at least, the gist of what he wants to talk about.

Big hugs

Posts: 262 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Raspberry
♀ 37735
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is very new for you. When I was at the same point you are at, I felt the same way----did not know how to deal with WH.
I kicked him out on Dday, & when he would stop by, I went back and forth from such extreme despair & anguish that I could barely breath, to such anger that I could kill him ( don't even ask what I wanted to do to that Slut), to uncontrollable sobbing.
And you have a newborn, who you don't trust him with ( I wouldn't either.)
PLEASE don't leave the baby alone with him.

I am 3 years out from Dday, with a somewhat remorseful WH,& we all live together again ( WH, I & our 4 kids) & we are trying to R,
& I am still "Not at all over it."
We BSs have been dealt an immense trauma which will take time to heal from. Everyone heals at their own rate. I have my own reasons, which I am aware of, why it has taken me as long as it has to get to where I am at this moment.
You will heal at your own rate, R or D.
Sending you strength. (((Tigaress)))

Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011
Married 28 years/Together 29 years/4 kids together
OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids
Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be

Posts: 2489 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ 13986
Member # 13986
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Post, post and post! That is what this forum is for. I know you are all over the board with your emotions and with what you want to do. Basically, YOU get to call all the shots right now.

Maybe texting him instead of talking to him would be better than talking right now?

Focus on YOU - You - YOU! You are the center of your future, whatever you decide that to be. Avoid making any definitive life decisions right, allow yourself time to go through all the stages of grief - unfortunately, it will be a roller coaster and you will be on the ride when you don't even want to be on it.

Again, that is what we are here for! This cannot be gone through alone and I chose to listen to a wise woman on this forum and NOT tell people in my life (friends and family) because they tend interject what THEY would do; meaning well of course, but it is more baggage than I needed.

Sending you prayers for strength and peace.

BW:43, WH:51 (worked in Saudi Arabia for the last 3 yrs), OW1-7 yrs ago, OW2-now (works in Saudi too) DD:19, DS:17, Married 18, together 20.
For me, it's not about her this time; the coward left the marriage 3 yrs ago & didn't tell me.

Posts: 213 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Virginia
Topic Posts: 6

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