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User Topic: How do you deal with triggers?
♀ 42945
Member # 42945
Shocked  Posted: 8:56 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The triggers are overwhelming today and the pain just seems to want to close in. I am having trouble keeping my head above water. I am frustrated, angry, and hurt.

How do you deal with the triggers? How do you make them stop hurting so much?

It doesn't help that they were avoidable triggers. WS parked in direct view of the house where he first destroy our marriage and had sex with the OW. When I confronted him about it, he said that we were nowhere near it. Before that, we ran into a couple that dated when we were in high school and then went their separate ways. They are now back together after she cheated on and left her husband. WS told them "it was great to see them together." I am learning that his thoughtlessness is truly endless.

I need to know what worked for others in dealing with triggers?

[This message edited by JustOneMoreDay at 8:56 PM, July 6th (Sunday)]

Me -BS 41
Him-WS 41
Too many Ddays to count

Posts: 265 | Registered: Mar 2014
♂ 41589
Member # 41589
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I don't have an answer as I'm largely dealing with them on my own.
I get sad. I get angry. And hen I get sad again.
I don't know the right way, or a better one.
I largely avoid what I can.
I'm sending you strength.

“You know hope is a mistake. If you can’t fix what’s broken, you’ll go insane.” - Max Rockatansky

The smart man divorces a lawyer.
The smarter man never marries one in the first place.

To her we were never worth the effort. :-/

Posts: 200 | Registered: Dec 2013
♀ 43959
Member # 43959
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I made a list of triggers and sent it to my WH so he'd have an idea what set me off. Looking at it helped me and I decided some would go away on their own and I could actively work on others. My therapist said don't try to tackle all of them at once, or I'd get overwhelmed, so I'd pick one and expose myself to it for short periods, sometimes just seconds. Like listening to a particular kind of music for part of a song. I still trigger, but in some areas, I'm making progress.

Good luck with yours. It really sucks when those feelings come back.

Me-BS 53
Him-WS 53 Sorrowfulmate
Married 27 years, 5 kids
Dday #1 12/12 He made up a ONS
Dday #2. 3/14 EAs, 3 ONS, 2 LTA

Buttercup: We'll never survive.
Westley: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.

Posts: 492 | Registered: Jul 2014
♀ 37165
Member # 37165
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found that meditation, hypnosis and yoga worked for me. Out of desperation early on I Googled where to find hypnosis downloads as triggers were absolutely paralyzing. I figured it wouldn't work but what the hell and gave it a try. To my surprise it worked for me. I worked through one trigger at a time. As I discovered a new one, I worked through it and eventually got my sanity back from the edge of the A abyss. Feel free to PM me and I will send the link.

DDay 9/2011
4-6 months of TT'ing
11/2012- Thanks for the HPV!!!
Fully R'd
"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects"-

Posts: 267 | Registered: Oct 2012
♂ 36555
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still too weak to deal with triggers. Just yesterday and her and I were at a department store looking at kitchen stuff. It was a pleasant stroll, but then a song came on. I tried to ignore it, but as soon as that one was over, ANOTHER came on. Both triggers. It just started taking over my emotions as much as I tried to fight it. Mind you, this all happened inside of me without her having a clue. What a struggle. One day I'll over come these triggers.

BS - Me 47 WS - Her 45 (Childhood sexual abuse survivor)
DDAY -#1- June 2012/ #2 -June 2015 / #3-August 2015
Married 25yrs. 2kids
Status: divorced.

Posts: 1736 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 5

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