D-day #1 Jan 31 2007 D-Day #2 March 25 2007 Roll on Roll on Roller Coaster We're one day older and one step closer Roll on there's mountains to climb Roll on we're on borrowed time -Kid Rock
Working on Re
I believe you finding that email was a blessing in disguise. You now know what kind of person you are dealing with. That does not make the heartbreak any less painful, however.
I think if you do the 180--remember, polite yet stoic-- you will see a great difference in both how you are treated and how you heal from this. This type of 180 was the only thing that worked for me. Do not contact WH unless through email, and only regarding pertinent financial matters or about children. Do not give WH any inkling of what is going on in your life, or how you feel, or how hurt you are. He does not deserve to be privy to this information! Your job is to take care of yourself, your kids, and your healing.
Hugs to you.
He said OW sucked him in? Right…he wanted to be sucked in—isn’t it great how he put the blame on her to justify his actions to continue communication and contact with her? This is what his actions are telling you, that he has placed OW, still, before you in the marriage. And how many times does it take for him to end with OW? When my husband told me that over the phone, I told him go right ahead and see her in person and end it again, but this time, pack your shit and don’t bother coming back is what I told him. He got the message then. It only takes once! There’s no reason to divorce now, 180 since it is really for you and not to save a marriage, weigh your options, you will continue to take the abuse from him until you finally have had enough. Only you will be able to decide that. You will eventually pull up your breeches with a vengeance, pull on your bitch boots and knock him off the fence and smack the cake out of his mouth. Close that bakery—it took me nearly 4 years to figure out that I was worth 10 of OW despite all of her degrees! And I had had enough. That’s when he’ll stand there in shock or you will continue to live in limbo, rug sweep the affair or in the end give him over to OW. And if she gets him in the end, what kind of man did she really gain? A man who is willing to cheat, lies, a man with no real morals, a person willing to manipulate his family for his selfishness, and a man capable of hurting those who truly love him. Is that the kind of man you want?
But really, when it’s all said and done, you are the one who is really holding all the cards – you can divorce him and move on. I told my husband that I can do bad by myself, that I didn’t need him to make it any worse than it already was but I wasn’t going out without a fight – I would take him to court, I would take half of his income and then some if I could, and I would not be nice—I had worked too hard, too many years, for the jewels on this crown to be handed over to her!
We as BS, don’t think we hold all the cards. But this is what we do, us, the betrayed—hold on to a spouse who is willing to hurt us, because we want the betrayer to understand the amount of pain we went through that they caused, but the sad thing is, they will never, ever understand until it happens to them. We believe that there is no one else out there and that we have put so much into the marriage that it is worth fighting for. But in reality, when we can finally look beyond the pain and the aftermath, our own happiness is just as important as our spouses. But if we don’t respect or love ourselves, how do we expect them to respect us in the end?
[This message edited by ladymnurse at 4:54 PM, July 7th (Monday)]
He is currently out in an apartment, he can play at the single life. He isn't deciding anything, he wants to keep you jumping to do whatever to have him come home, he likes limboland. How is that working for you?
File for divorce, (you can always slow it down or stop it) however, he needs to know YOU have choices too. You don't have to live like this. You don't have to wait on him, and shouldn't. This has been going on for quite some time. Put on you bitch boots and make your life better. He can come around and make a commitment or he can continue to drift while you work towards your new future.
"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl
Nothing has really changed in all this time. You're still no farther than you were when he moved out and into his own place. He's still being a liar and a sneak and the bottom line is that you can't control his behavior. He's doing exactly what he WANTS to do.
You're in "limbo" because the guy is living where he wants to be and isn't very interested in reconciling his marriage. He likes having an open door to you and the family without having to COMMIT to the responsibility of having you all in his life. He can come and visit and get all the emotional satisfaction of being with his family, but when he's had his fill, he gets to go home and live his 'single' life - out of your vision.
He's obviously not ready to give that up or he would have by now.
So you'll confront him about the email you found where he's bawling to his OW about how he misses she and her kid, and he'll just give you lame lie/excuse number 8,549 - just another bullshit lie in long, long history of lies he's told you to explain it away. And in the end, nothing will really change, will it? It will just be another indignity you'll suffer at his hands in the hope of him one day manning up and being the decent person you want him to be.
Why is divorce out of the question? It's not like your kids aren't aware that there are obvious problems as they've been living without their dad in the house for almost a year, now. So it wouldn't be that big of a shock for them to handle.
I hope you don't have this guy come back home any time soon, because he's CLEARLY not "in it to win it" with you or the marriage. If he did come, he'd just eventually cause more drama and upset up the road because he'd revert right back to form and start up with his deceitful, sneaky behavior all over again. Your kids don't deserve to have to deal with their father's yo-yo behavior just because unfortunately, you choose to accept it day after day after day.
He's shown you exactly what he is, ok2014. Believe him.
Good luck to you.
